Orlee's Essay

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Successful Harvard Essay

I’m hiding behind the swing door of the dressing room when I text my mom just one word: “Traumatizing!” I’m on a bra-shopping expedition with my grandmother, and just in case it’s not abundantly clear, this trip was Not. My. Idea. Bra shopping has always been shrouded in mystery for me, and growing up in a household with two moms and two younger sisters hasn’t helped one bit: One of my moms doesn’t wear bras; the other proudly proclaims that her bras are older than me. A two-mom family without the faintest idea what a teenage girl needs—par for the course around here.

So when my 78-year-old grandmother volunteered to take me bra shopping, my moms jumped at the chance. Here I was with my frugal grandmother, outlet-shopping among the racks of intimates that aren’t sized quite right, that have too much padding or too little…You can see my predicament, and it’s no surprise that my younger self was confused by the words “wire-free,” “concealing petals,” “balconette.”

The saleswoman called to my grandmother from across the store, “What cup size is she?”

“I don’t know,” my grandmother screamed back. “Can you measure her?”

Measure me? They have got to be kidding.

***

“I just don’t want her to feel different,” I heard my grandmother say later that day. “Kids this age can be so mean.”

I love my grandmother, but she believes the world is harsh and unforgiving, and she thinks that the only path to happiness is fitting in. My grandmother had taken me bra shopping in a last-ditch attempt to make me “normal” because I was entering 9th grade at Deerfield in a few weeks, and she worried that I would stick out worse than the underwire of a bargain basement bra.

I'm a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents.

It’s true—I’m not your typical Deerfield student. I’m a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents. I’m the kid with a congenital foot deformity, which means I literally can’t run, who will never be able to sprint across campus from classroom to classroom. I’m the kid with life-threatening food allergies to milk and tree nuts who can’t indulge in the pizza at swim team celebrations or the festive cake and ice cream during advisory meetings.

But fitting in was my grandmother’s worry, not mine. What my grandmother didn’t consider is that there’s no single way to fit in. I might be two minutes later to class than the sprinters, but I always arrive. I might have to explain to my friends what “having two moms” means, but I’ll never stop being thankful that Deerfield students are eager to lean in and understand. I may not be able to eat the food, but you can count on me to show up and celebrate.

While I can’t run, I can swim and play water polo, and I can walk the campus giving Admissions tours. My family might not look like everyone else’s, but I can embrace those differences and write articles for the school newspaper or give a talk at “School Meeting,” sharing my family and my journey. Some of my closest friendships at Deerfield have grown from a willingness on both sides to embrace difference.

On one of the first days of 9th grade, I sat down to write a “Deerfield Bucket List”—a list of experiences that I wanted to have during my four years in high school, including taking a Deerfield international trip and making the Varsity swim team. That list included thirteen items, and I’m eleven-thirteenths of the way there, not because I have the right bra, but because I’ve embraced the very thing that my grandmother was afraid of. Bra shopping is still shrouded in mystery for me, but I know that I am where I should be, I’m doing work that matters to me, and fitting in rarely crosses my mind.

Professional Review by The College Guru

The Common App essay allows you to speak directly to Admissions, in your own voice, sharing important personal attributes and insights into who you are at your core, and demonstrating how you will enrich the college’s community. In choosing your topic, it is vitally important to remember that up until now, Admissions will have heard about you from everyone except you. Now, it’s your opportunity to shine, bringing your true personality to the forefront and showing how well you will fit in with the incoming class they are building.

Here, we meet Orlee as she is shopping for a bra, accompanied by her doting grandmother. Orlee dives right in, unexpectedly dropping us into an embarrassing, “traumatizing” moment she bravely chose to share. Within a few seconds, we are also introduced to her two self-described fashion-agnostic moms. This is just the first paragraph and I like her already. With an average of only a few minutes to read each essay, Admissions readers will want to find out where this is headed.

Early on, we learn that Orlee’s grandmother’s view of the world—“harsh and unforgiving”—makes her protective of Orlee and that her proposed solution is to help Orlee fit in so she will be perceived as “normal.” Initially, we think this essay is about teen angst, but in a surprise twist, Orlee quickly lets us know her grandmother’s fears about her fitting in are neither unreasonable nor unfounded.

Orlee reveals she has a congenital foot deformity limiting her ability to run and a severe, life-threatening food allergy. Now that she has our attention, she masterfully weaves in additional snapshots of her daily life, demonstrating how she bravely chooses to show up in difficult moments. Her straightforward descriptions are not manipulative, but instead, her outlook is upbeat. We learn about her perseverance and that she is always up for a challenge. She demonstrates how she finds ways to create space for herself so she will be included, and she rightfully doesn’t ask for permission or apologize for her physical challenges.

Mindful that others may be quick to put her in a box because of her apparent physical challenges, Orlee immediately focuses us on the many strengths she can contribute on campus, providing several clear illustrations of how she dives right in and overcomes others’ negative perceptions. She regales us with the countless ways she has found to enrich her school as a team player, lest we are tempted to fall into the unfortunate trap of underestimating her abilities.

⁤Orlee has set inspiring life goals, and her endearing high school bucket list is nearly complete. This student isn't afraid to go for it and get it.

Orlee has set inspiring life goals, and her endearing high school bucket list is nearly complete. This student isn’t afraid to go for it and get it. She is simply living her best life, and I find myself cheering for her!

This essay succeeds because it tells us who Orlee is and how she thrives, that she values friends and teammates, and will bring that same energy to her college community. She is intelligent, curious, confident, and kind. She sets her goals and charts her vision to support her worldview. “Fitting in rarely crosses [her] mind.” This is her Brand Story and I am here for it!

The Crimson's news and opinion teams—including writers, editors, photographers, and designers—were not involved in the production of this article.