What Your Freshman Dorm Says About You

About a month ago, the housing overlords handed down your fate in an email, complete with move-in times, a mailing address, and the names of your roommates. But somewhere between the packing tips and the photos of smiling students in Harvard Yard, that message holds the key to your future — or at least, how far you’ll have to lug your laundry every week. At Flyby, we’re here to help you read between the lines.

Apley Court

You’ll spend half of your summer reasoning with yourself that it’s not “that bad” you aren’t in the typical Yard dorm, and then you will spend the entirety of the school year reasoning with every person you meet that you live in the best dorm. Well, we can’t argue with marble bathtubs.

Canaday Hall

You’ll spend most of your time defending the dorm against rats. Even in the absence of the rodents, you will still have to deal with crowded doubles and carpets that belong in a doctor’s office (no, pre-med students, spending time in Canaday does not count as clinical service hours). You won’t admit that Canaday sucks, and we appreciate your valiant efforts to somehow redeem its honor.

Grays Hall

You have probably been deluded into believing that you live in the Harvard Hilton, but you don’t. The Harvard Hilton would have elevators, and preferably not shoebox bedrooms. You need to stay humble. This being said, your peers will forever be jealous of your massive common rooms.

Greenough Hall

You are way too humble. You have all the pros on the best Yard dorms without being too far. Big common rooms, beautiful windows, ensuites, and best of all—no tourist traffic. Be more proud.

Hollis Hall

Congratulations! As the calendar pages are turning toward final exams, you’ll get a close-up view of a certain… tradition. What tradition, exactly? Wait and see! If you and your roommate have somehow found a way to bond across the cavernous expanse of your giant double, maybe you guys can even watch the view together?

Holworthy Hall

You are incredibly in shape, as you have to find a way to carry your illegal microwave up about four flights of spiral staircase steps during move in, enough to compensate for the stone’s throw you are to Annenberg. You are also incredibly patient, as you are the only dorm destined to share a Jack-and-Jill style bathroom with another gaggle of suitemates you undoubtedly hate. You are a good person, Holworthy resident.

Hurlbut Hall

You probably pronounced this as hurl-butt when you first got this assignment, and you would be correct. Start getting used to that embarrassment now.

Lionel Hall

You are Straus’s sad little sister, and you’re probably deeply sad to say where you live because no one will know. It’s alright, little one.

Massachusetts Hall

You don’t exist. I’ll believe it once I see you in person!

Matthews Hall

Your back hurts because your bedroom is the size of a storage closet, or because you are leaning against the wall of Matthews’ front patio, trying to romanticize your life. Whatever gets you through the day.

Mower Hall

You probably pronounced this as ‘mower,’ like ‘lawnmower,’ when you first got your housing email. Save yourself the embarrassment of not doing that — it’s bad enough people don’t know who you are, so you can’t also not know who you are.

Pennypacker Hall

You were happy when you realized you got an en suite bathroom, then you were sad when you realized you were so far away from the Yard. But then you were happy that everyone you know also got Penny! And then you were sad again that there’s no elevator.

Stoughton Hall

Easy access to the most popular part of the Yard, and you have a laundry room. Cool? It’s not cool when you realize that you are sharing said laundry room, which in itself is tiny, with almost every single irrelevant dorm in Ivy Yard that you didn’t even know existed until its residents stole your dryer.

Straus Hall

Yeah, you’re excited because Zuckerberg lived in your dorm, and that is the first thing that’ll come out of your mouth as you exchange dorm assignments with your Annenberg buddies. You’re excited because you have a common room, and that will undoubtedly come next in your conversation about dorm assignments. But what won’t come, is that you are the exact same dorm as Lionel and Mower. Please stop bragging? I hope you know Zuckerberg doesn’t still currently live in your dorm? You do, silly.

Thayer Hall

You are cool. You don’t know what I mean by this yet, but you will soon. Congratulations, and have fun being the first to wake up on Housing Day.

Weld Hall

You are slightly less cool then Thayer, but you have that same sort of vibe. Except Thayer residents won’t have to fight their way into an elevator that is out of order more often than it’s in service. But it’s alright, you quite literally have everything else you could possibly need all in this dorm, so you’ll live.

Wigglesworth Hall

Your freshman experience will peak when during Convocation the entirety of Crimson Yard is asking to stand and “make some noise,” and your dorm alone sounds like a small army. Appreciate this moment, because this is where your community will peak. Hate this moment, because all of your amenities are underground, your rooms are tiny, and the Red Line keeps you up at night.

I hope this gave you some much needed clarity on your living situation for the next year. At the end of the day, you must remember that no matter what dorm you are living in, you will have a great experience. But you must never forget that no matter how great of an experience you have, no one is having a better experience than you than some random guy living in Apley Court. But don’t worry, you’ll never forget! He won’t let you.