Better Ways to Pick Who Gets to See Joe Biden

If you live under a rock and didn’t already know, Biden was on campus last week at an exclusive Institute of Politics event. Around 50 bright-eyed and bushy-tailed students had the opportunity to see him talk, while hundreds of others took to Sidechat to voice their complaints (as they often do about IOP events). The decision process was confusing at best, so we decided to take the liberty of proposing better — and more fun — ways to decide on the shortlist for meeting the former President next time.

Running at Full Speed (In Dress Clothes)

TikTok has me curious about what people look like when running at full speed (seriously, we need to bring back dead sprinting). What better way is there to decide than choosing invitees based on who can run the fastest — or the funniest — while dressed in their Biden-meeting outfit? Plus, we’d learn who we can outrun in the event of a bear attack. (Spoiler: IOP kids aren’t known for their athleticism.)

Ice Cream Eating Dropping Contest

We’ve all seen the videos: Biden loves his chocolate chocolate chip… right up until he drops it (like when he was here). In order to meet the former president, you need to be able to adapt to any scenario. When he drops his ice cream, everyone should be prepared to (gracefully) do the same.

Fashion Show

I can admit that some IOP kids are fashionistas when they’re not waylaid in Littauer Room 166 (and I’m lowkey jealous), so let's organize a “Dress to Impress”-esque runway show and have Biden sit on the judge panel. If you aren’t top three on the podium, you’re cut.

SAT Scores

Since your test scores were once used to decide if you could attend this school, they of course should dictate whether or not you can attend this highly sought-after event as well. Yes, that test you took anxiously at 16 years old will never lose relevance in your life.

Survivor Challenge

If we can get Joe Biden, we can surely get Jeff Probst, arguably the expert in challenges. Let’s see how long IOP kids can last in a Survivor-inspired endurance challenge (... probably not that long).

Whether They Think the Dress Was Black/Blue or Gold/White

Harvard has a reputation to live up to, and we have to keep this in mind when choosing who gets to meet the former President. If you’re still team gold-and-white after all these years, we hate to break it to you — you are NOT invited.

Number of Instagram Followers (LinkedIn Connects, Perchance?)

Since selfies with the former President will be circulating on attendees’ Instagrams, it’s only natural that those with the most followers should be the ones posting these!

Three-Round Comp and Interview Process (Don’t Forget Coffee Chats)

Lol, this one sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Whether or Not They Have Their License

Nobody who cannot operate a motor vehicle should be meeting the former President of the United States. I don’t care if you’re from New York — this is a life skill, people.

Whether or Not They Have a Summer Internship

If you have a summer internship, why do you need to network with the former President of the United States? Save some for the rest of us, and enjoy your employment.

Concentration, Category Is… Politicians!

Washington, Adams, Jefferson… you fill in the rest. Do you even know the preamble song? You don’t just get to pop into government things when it’s convenient; prove your political knowledge!

Number of Dean Khurana Instagram Features

If you haven’t been featured on the beloved Khuranagram before, how can you expect to have what it takes to pose for a selfie with Biden? Why would you go if you can’t even get a picture with him?

See, IOP, was it that hard to create a fair attendee selection process? All jokes aside, Flyby appreciates all of your hard work and efforts to bring speakers to campus; if you ever need any more, we’re right here (we don’t charge)!