Harvard Professor Memorabilia

Forget Q Reports. An entire new butterfly species was named after Harvard’s beloved professor Andrew Berry — which says far more about how iconic he is than any other metric could. In the spirit of Euptychia andrewberryi, Flyby has chosen an assortment of more groundbreaking memorabilia that should be named after Harvard professors.

1. Professor Joe Blitzstein: A Harvard Shuttle Line

Professor Blitzstein, instructor of the beloved course “Stat 110,” has taught us many lessons to carry with us throughout our day-to-day lives. Why not apply these to everyone’s favorite Harvard amenity, the shuttles! Statistically speaking, if you have a bus that arrives randomly within a 10-minute time span, it will on average take just as long as one that is set to arrive every 10 minutes. Or, at least that’s what my eager roommates in this course tried to explain to me. So, you’ve heard of the “1636er” and the “Crimson Cruiser.” Now, get ready for “The Blitz-Bus.”

2. Professor Stephanie Burt: A Taylor Swift Song

Everyone has heard about Harvard’s Taylor Swift course “Taylor Swift and Her World” (“English 183”), and even more people have listened to Swift’s (long) discography. You know what we have not heard about yet, though? A song in honor of Professor Burt’s excellence. We would have loved to see this track included in Swift’s new album The Life of a Showgirl, but for now, we have a few ideas for some lyrics (to the tune of the song Wildest Dreams):

Say you’ll take “English 183”

It’s in your cart so say yes

Accept the Okta request, babe

Sad songs and Swift critiques

Come bring your ballpoint pen

This will be the class of your

Wildest dreams, ah-ah, ah

3. Professor Tara Menon: A City

If you’re an English concentrator, it’s a commonly held truth that taking a course with Professor Menon is nonnegotiable – and life-changing. In honor of her popular class City Fictions this semester, there should be an actual city named after her. Imagine, you overhear: “Yeah, I’m traveling to Menon next summer to study abroad…” Isn’t the sound of that just absolutely luxurious and riveting? We think so, and you should too.

4. Professor Michael Sandel: A Clothing Brand

Professor Sandel’s course “Justice” has been viewed by tens of millions of people around the world and translated into 27 languages. Further, his books, like Justice: What’s the Right Thing to Do and Public Philosophy: Essays on Morality in Politics, grapple with important questions facing the American public. Isn’t it a shame that his work is still getting confused with the children’s clothing brand Justice? How should we solve this problem, you might be wondering? By introducing Professor Sandel’s own clothing brand, of course! We would be excited to sport this attire, the real Justice clothing collection (on the way to the course “Justice” of course).

5. Professor David Malan: A Duck Species

The only thing we know about “CS50” is that everyone in it has a sticker of a cute little duck on their computer. In the class, you are encouraged to talk through your homework with a duck (unfortunately rubber, not real). Why doesn’t every class at Harvard have a mascot or encourage you to talk to an inanimate object? Professor Malan, you’ve done wonders for ducks by somehow making us feel FOMO for not owning merch of their kind. You deserve your own duck species for this.

6. Professor David Laibson: A La(i)bubu

Ok, we understand that you might be confused here. No, when you walk into your “Ec10a” lecture you do not directly get to learn about these lovely little creatures that have taken the world by storm. But technically, if you look more closely, Professor Laibson must be talking about Labubus when discussing the current market trends and increases in demand — it’s nearly impossible to get one of these things these days. So, it only makes sense that he would have one of his own, the Laibubu.

7. Professor Gregory Tucci: Balloons

Professor Tucci and his courses are a quintessential part of the Harvard pre-med experience. If you have taken even one of the introductory life and physical science courses at Harvard, specifically “PS11,” you have seen Professor Tucci demonstrate a combustion reaction with balloons, fire, and multiple gas types. The only thing that could make this in-class experiment even more interesting? If the balloons that Professor Tucci explodes were special and of his own kind! Our hearts are exploding with excitement for this one.

8. Professor Steven Levitsky: A Reading Light

If you are an aspiring law school student, the chances are high that you will get the wonderful opportunity to take a course with Professor Levitsky. Not only will the government department teach you all you need to know about American democracy, but it will also teach you how to finish your (many) readings in all states of being: overcaffeinated, sleep-deprived, and all of the in between. We offer you a reading light in honor of Professor Levitsky, to illuminate the many pages of knowledge you are to absorb from now on, and your career as a future lawyer.

From newly discovered species to apparel lines, names are a great way to honor our mentors, advisers, and midterm masterminds. Unlike Harvard’s buildings, Flyby’s musings don’t come with a price tag. Professors, we hope you know that you are all appreciated — here’s to you!