The True Winners of the Cambridge Half

It’s 6:20 a.m. and it’s 37 degrees out. I stand, shivering in my spandex shorts and t-shirt, corralled with everyone who’s ever ventured out for a run on the Charles. I am suffering from my decision three short months ago to sign up for the Cambridge Half Marathon. I wished to be among the group of underground runners at Harvard who emerge once a year to post a Strava story of their 13.1 run, while you are just waking up after Halloweekend. Many asked: Why would you want to run for two straight hours? Don’t you get bored? Well, first of all, I ran it in 1:43 (not a brag), and was entertained by the crowds of people who have nothing better to do on a Sunday morning than cheer on a gaggle of masochistic runners. So here’s to the true heroes of the weekend: the best signs I saw running the half.

Keep Chafing Your Dreams

A direct call out to me slathering a stick of deodorant on my thighs as an attempt to avoid my worst enemy, chafing. Could a better (and more temperature-conscious) solution have been to wear leggings? Yes. Was my dream to finish the half in a cute running outfit? Also yes. So really, my dreams came at the cost of my inner quad (and the pictures were, in fact, worth it)

Just Keep Running, Running, Running

Accompanied by an artistic drawing of Dory from Finding Nemo. This one brought me back to my childhood whimsy, who probably would’ve enjoyed running. My aching knees brought me back to my present-day suffering, but it was a momentary lapse of enjoyment.

Pain is Temporary, Strava is Forever

Now this person had to be a runner. Because you cut right to the core of why 99% of people ran the half: to post on Strava (or Instagram, or Facebook if you’re 50+). We all crave validation, and so what if it comes in the form of kudos. You reminded me that there is no way I can slow down, lest my followers be disappointed with my finishing time.

You’re Running Better than the Government

Timely, accurate, and made me laugh – all good qualities of a running sign. I think that for every day the government is shut down, every single member of Congress should have to run a half-marathon. After the Cambridge Half, I could barely walk to class today and didn't even want to look at my sneakers. These senators would be rallied to an immediate solution through the miraculous power of hating physical activity.

You’re Almost There

Lies. You were at Weeks Bridge. I had four more miles to run. I was only 75% of the way there. Your encouragement was appreciated, but consider going three miles down the course. It would’ve been greatly appreciated then.

Pain is Just French for Bread

This one made me think (an enjoyable respite from only hearing my inner thoughts). I’ve never taken French before, so I can’t verify the validity or the pun of this statement. But you learn something new every day, and for that, I have this sign to thank.

Run Like You’re Coming From the Louvre

You really would have to be coming from the Louvre, given that Harvard is Heist-Proof. But this, similar to the one referencing the government shutdown, was timely, creative, and humorous. It added to the ambiance that I was running alongside a group of guys dressed as prison inmates — shout out to everyone who ran the half in costume.

Therapy Was Also an Option

The most truthful sign, cutting deep to the core of my midsummer decision to sign up for the race. Did I choose to do a long run instead of thinking about my Chem 17 midterm? Yes. Have I used training as an excuse to procrastinate? Yes. Do I think this coping mechanism was healthy? Also yes. I have absolutely zero regrets except that I have become codependent on running and will be dropping another $100 to sign up for a race (hey, it is cheaper than therapy at least).

Whether you ran, cheered on, or were just rudely awakened by the Cambridge Half this past Sunday, be super proud of yourself. You either: A. completed a half, B. Was a supportive friend, or C. had the common sense to stay out of the whole shebang. I will personally be bed-bound until I can craft a stellar sign for the Boston Marathon in the spring.

She's a runner, she's a trackstar. By Grace E. St. Laurent