The Tortured Poets Department (Harvard’s Version)

A little birdy told us that Taylor Swift’s new album “The Tortured Poets Department” was inspired by her visits to Harvard’s campus. Even more exciting, Flyby has the inside scoop on what exactly inspired each of the new tracks. From old Harvard traditions to once-in-a-lifetime experiences, you can tell Taylor really dug into the vault to write these songs.

1. Fortnight

The ridiculously short amount of time Harvard students are given to register for courses.

2. The Tortured Poets Department

Barker Center, Cafe Gato Rojo, or Lamont Basement (especially after 3 a.m.).

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

The Harvard shuttle crashing into Tasty Burger.

4. Down Bad

The freshman-hunters scouting for physical affection love.

5. So Long, London

People coming back from study abroad with a British accent. Though I suppose they would probably say something like “Cheerio, London!”

6. But Daddy I Love Him

Justifying your section crush to your friends.

7. Fresh Out the Slammer

Coming out of your final midterm.

8. Florida!!!

The Lampoon, the place with the most “Florida man” energy. Currier, though, if we’re thinking retirement.

9. Guilty as Sin?

Witnessing the Harvard tradition in the stacks.

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

The turkeys ask as they terrorize our campus.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

Our sleep schedules (self-explanatory).

12. loml

General Gao’s chicken (please bring our beloved HUDS back).

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Your pset. (You’ve been scrolling through TikTok and you had to close the app as soon as you saw a happy couple.)

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Remy <3, but the love we have for him is big.

15. The Alchemy

Chem 17/27, when they teach students how to make… we’ve been informed we can’t make that joke.

16. Clara Bow

The grape pizza. It only appeared once but was the talk of the town. It was the true it-girl of Harvard’s campus.

In conclusion, Taylor Swift is obligated to perform at Yardfest next year so she can get material to write her next album.