What to Do Instead of Crying Over Bad Midterm Grades

We’ve all been there. As you try to function even though break is already over and we still have interminable weeks left in the semester, a big fat C– drops on Canvas. How could one night of cramming an entire half semester not translate to an A? Suddenly, you realize writing an in-class essay still drunk from River Run was maybe not the best idea. If your midterms are making you ugly cry, here are seven things to do instead.

1. Gaslight yourself and those around you. Text your p-set group chat and tell them that you got a ninety-seven. It’s high enough to be impressive but with a touch of imperfection so as to feign credibility. Once you’ve told everyone, you’ll be forced to stick to the story until you start to believe it yourself. It’s all about the mindset.

2. Text your situationship back. You’ll still be crying, but at least it will be over an emotionally unavailable person who is giving you less than the bare minimum and is probably talking to four other people at the same time. By the time you text all your friends long paragraphs explaining how your medium ugly situationship is actually cute in certain lighting and you therefore need them back, you’ll be too emotionally exhausted to feel sad about your grade. Plus, for the humanities kids, you also get to practice your essay writing skills so you can do better on your next paper.

3. Call your parents. Sometimes you will get emotional support, and that is always nice. More likely, you will get a long lecture about how you would have gotten an A had it not been for that damn phone of yours. By the time you hang up, you will be so motivated to cure your family’s generational trauma that you might actually start attending lecture, prepping for the next midterm, and considering selling out to Wall Street, among other things.

4. Ask a CA or TF for help. Bonus points if your CA is super cute and lives in the next House over and has luscious hair and a British accent and lowkey forgets your name and… where was I? Anyways, it never hurts to ask for help.

5. Post about it on Sidechat. After all, a similar post is what prompted this article. You will find many lost souls who probably took that very same midterm lurking on Sidechat ready to talk about it. Your Sidechat DMs will no doubt be filled by oddly supportive strangers who also happen to be freshmen, lonely, and down for something casual.

6. Drop the class. Yes, you will have a W (for Withdrawn) on your transcript permanently, but you will also have mental stability. You will never ever have to think about that class again. Except for every time people ask you for p-set answers. Or when friends ask why they haven’t seen you in section. Or when you receive hundreds of emails because they forgot to remove you from the list. Really, other than a couple dozen reminders a week that you failed, you can just put it all behind you.

7. Study for the next midterm. Not highly recommended as it might lead to responsible behavior and there’s not enough psychological data on responsible college students (insufficient sample sizes) to know if that is advisable for the health of anyone between the ages of 18 and 22.

Once you take one or, god forbid, multiple of these alternatives, your midterms will seem like a much smaller problem. If you can’t get to all of them this time around, no worries! You’ll probably fail your finals, too.