Harvard Jumpscares

It’s that time of year once more, when a chill is in the air, and there’s a distinct eerie feeling creeping up your spine… Or maybe that's the midterm you forgot about until this exact moment. But while there’s plenty of haunting to go around this month, it’s not just creepy crawlies and angry ghosts that have our heart rates skyrocketing.

No, all it takes is being a student in college, because your life is already full of frights! So, in honor of spooky season, we’ve compiled a list of Harvard jumpscares that have kept us on our toes all October long.

Seeing your section crush in the dhall

You mean to tell me that you exist outside of the highly specific dreamland I’ve cultivated through sheer boredom? Crazy. Something about them is so alluring in a classroom, and yet, under the cold and scrutinous lights that illuminate our every meal, that spark is missing. Did I ever really think they were cute, or was it that I needed something to look at other than the work I was meant to be doing in class?

Running into your TF outside of class

It could be anywhere. A restaurant. The JFK St. CVS. The gym. I didn’t even realize you had a life outside of the classroom, and now you’re showing up at the table next to me at Le’s? Consider my timbers shivered.

When a midterm grade drops unannounced…

…which famously occurs like clockwork on the night of a haunted Hallow’s Eve party… it’s the spookiest thing you’ll see there, I promise you that.

“You’re out of BoardPlus”

Already? Say it isn’t so! BoardPlus was the only thing keeping my caffeine problem in a semi-affordable budget range — financial ruin, delivered in those four (five?) meager words.

Your freshman-year situationship

Harrowing. I left you in Season 1, what are you doing here now? This honestly applies to any and all freshman-year characters that you forgot existed despite saying, “Of course, we should totally catch up” the last time you saw them (about two years ago). Where have you been? Why haven’t I seen you? Why am I seeing you now? Is this a punishment? The questions are ongoing.

Seeing someone you know at the MAC pool

You think nodding awkwardly at random acquaintances in the weight room is bad? Give it a go in a swimsuit, with goggle lines giving the appearance of a tired raccoon and hair so wet and ratty you may as well have climbed out of the Charles. Humbling, to say the least. My heart drops into my stomach whenever someone so much as looks at me.

Pretzel-encrusted chicken in the dhall

I don’t know, man… there’s just something off-putting about the pretzels being soggy and the chicken being dry. Something isn’t adding up. Now, when it's chicken parm, well, that’s a different story. If you saw me shoving someone aside on chicken parm night… no, you didn’t.

The Harvard Square Turkeys™

Ending with a universal Harvard College experience, the Harvard Square Turkeys have no shortage of frights to give. They lurk, they gobble, they stare. You never know when you’ll turn a corner and see a puffed-up bird posturing at you from the middle of the sidewalk.

As we’ve established, Harvard’s a scary place! Wishing you all happy hauntings and the best of luck on the rest of your midterms, assuming you survive them…