LEAK: Inside the School-Sponsored H-Y Tailgate

Dean of Students Thomas Dunne said a few days ago that we would have a Harvard-Yale tailgate “that is attractive to students and fun and feels like what they imagined Harvard-Yale to be, but it’s also safe.” Well, Flyby Blog has the scoop and he’s right! Here’s a look inside what this attractive tailgate will be like:

Food: Grape Pizza for All

We must share the experience that put HUDS on the map. Yale won’t be so smug about their “gourmet food” now.

Drinks: You Think It Is Diet Coke But When You Press The Thing It’s Gross Sparkling Water Without Any Syrup In It

Aw, man! It’s almost as disappointing as the game against Brown.

Tents

Silly students, tents are for camping, and that’s not allowed. What do you mean, it’s daytime? Look at the campus use rules!

Alcohol!

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha just kidding. If you’re really looking for a buzz, just save all the toppings from your pizza and wait. A few years should do the trick.

Location

You will need to swipe three times to get in. And no, it’s not a tap. A swipe. Then it will be a field with no cars in sight.

Decorations

Not chalk, that’s for sure.

Who

Any student (admission fee: $0) or alum (admission fee: $151 million).

Special Guests

Zuck is coming… and what’s this? He’s the linebacker?!

Sponsors

Truly Seltzer. (Come on, it’s literally veritas. How has this not happened?) Also Ken Griffin.

When

Right now! You’re missing it!

So get excited! See you on the field!