How To: Get Humbled at Harvard

The Harvard admissions pamphlet told me a lot about all of the incredible opportunities for enrichment and success I would have here. What it forgot to mention was that there are even more chances for humiliation. One can experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows all in the same day at this prestigious university, so I decided to create a guide to get the most bang for your buck, and maximize your ego deflation. Without further ado, here’s six things you can do to get thoroughly humbled at Harvard:

1. Getting mistaken for a tourist

Undoubtedly, every Harvard student’s greatest fear is being mistaken for a tourist. As we wade through swarms of eager tourists in front of Widener Library or the John Harvard statue, it’s easy to evade accusations as long as you have the telltale signs of a student — a backpack and a purpose. However, in the rare moments that you are without your shields, the risk sets in. Especially when you’re caught in a moment of weakness, like Google mapping your way somewhere, you have to be vigilant about not blending in with the tour in front of you.

2. Almost getting hit by a scooter… or actually getting hit

As “Top Gun” says… Highway to the danger zone. There is a certifiable danger any time you leave your dorm, but you need to exercise extreme caution on the crowded yet not-wide-enough paths of Harvard Yard. Nothing brings you back down to earth better than a near collision with a defensive lineman on a scooter going 45 mph, but actually getting hit? Transfer. I promise that the money you spend on medical bills will not be worth the two seconds you saved not looking both ways when you cross.

3. Being seen at any Harvard party

As Harvard students, it’s almost an inevitability that you will attend a party bad enough that you consider abstaining from all nightlife. The worst part of the experience isn’t the trek to and from the basement of an upperclassmen House (or worse, a freshman dorm), it’s when your presence is noted. It’s sobering — literally — to see someone from your Justice section in the crowd of a poorly lit, poorly ventilated ‘party’, but it’s even worse when you are forced to relive it at 9 a.m. the next day.

4. Shuffling through desks after being late

Arriving to class on Harvard time (two to three minutes late) is nothing short of humiliating. It may be a standard college experience, but something about ‘excuse me’-ing and ‘I’m sorry’-ing your way through the packed seats of Sanders Theater triggers your fight or flight response. Not only do you feel the judgment and scorn from your punctual peers, but you also have to bear the weight of being an actual nuisance to everyone in your vicinity. At least you're not alone: there will always be someone later than you.

5. “Fake” IDs

The great equalizer on campus should be that we all have IDs (preventative measures for no. 1), but unfortunately this isn’t always the case. Our Harvard IDs, or rather, the scanners, have a tendency to stall at the most inopportune moments. Sometimes, it’s just when your hands are full and you realize you’re holding up a train of people, or when you’re called back because your swipe didn’t go through in the dining hall — embarrassing, but you’re not to blame. However, in the moment when you’re looking the cashier in the eye after your Board Plus declines for the second time, you should feel the weight of responsibility, and the burn of shame.

6. Getting kicked out of the library

Harvard students bring this upon ourselves, since only we would stay in a library to the last possible minute. That being said, a security guard forcing you to leave the building where you’ve practically built an ecosystem is not the most pleasant experience. It isn’t just frantically gathering your belongings and starting the walk of shame that does it, it’s also the knowledge that because the library’s closing, it’s likely a weekend, and this is the best thing you had to do. The first time, it's cute — you’re a dedicated student. After that… find some hobbies.

This list may seem daunting, and you may wonder if your self confidence can handle any one of these experiences. Don’t worry, you can! In fact, you probably will check every single one of these off before your 10:30 a.m. class in one day. If you’re still recovering, look at the bright side — any one of these will make a great topic of conversation for your debrief at dinner. And if you still need something to make you feel better, think about how much worse it could be: any of these could have happened to you in New Haven.