How to: Not Get Lost During Visitas

Calling all prefrosh: Do you want to minimize the number of annoyed upperclassmen zooming past you on their way to lectures while muttering “It’s bring your kid to school day again” because you were blocking their way? Do you want to avoid embarrassing calls to your Visitas host begging them to pick you up because all the red-brick buildings look the same? Would you like to not miss that one cool mixer with free pizza because you ended up in Cabot House instead of Cabot Library? As a notoriously navigationally challenged person (let’s just say that my friends typically assign someone to walk with me to places), I am the perfect person to tackle this struggle.

Google Maps is a gift from the heavens and you should unapologetically embrace it

Reality check: I recognize that I alone will not suffice in making you swallow your pride and use this life-saving app. You want to prove to yourself that you were always meant to be here by using your “natural instincts” to find Sanders Theatre. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: You are destined to fail. I have been attending this college for almost nine months and I still pull out Google Maps to get to the Northwest Building or Eliot House. It took me almost two months to memorize the locations of the Yard’s lecture halls and even longer to figure out the paths to them from different campus spots. You are not getting it in three days, no matter how many years you spent as a boy scout. The Internet Gods have graced us with a digitally mapped college for a reason. Take advantage of it.

Make your host your designated guide

All Visitas hosts voluntarily signed up to have you live with them with absolutely no bribing by the college. They were definitely not promised more extra credit and food. Chances are, they’re excited about serving as your temporary Harvard guardians (I know I am), so give them the opportunity to showcase it. The scheduled tours, while entertaining and worthwhile, serve more as overviews of the history of Harvard than orientation tools. Ask your host for an unofficial tour if you happen to have overlapping free time. It will be more condensed, they can take the time to help you establish mental shortcuts for all the buildings, you will get a taste of the Harvard community, and you will learn some not-admissions-office-approved facts about the fun shenanigans that make Harvard a not-so-typical smart people college. (Ask about the foot.)

Don’t trust PassioGo to get to the Quad

By Quad we refer to the upperclassmen houses of Pforzheimer, Cabot, and Currier, located on the former residential campus of Radcliffe College, a 15-minute walk from the Yard (hence the Quad Discourse). There are always some self-proclaimed Visitas connoisseurs (who spent too much time memorizing the Harvard website) that will suggest taking a brief stroll to the Quad to “get the full Harvard experience.” Besides the apparent lack of reasons to do so, given that unless students are housed there, they only go for parties, it is a guaranteed recipe for disaster, thanks to the numerous small and confusing alleys of Cambridge. PassioGo is an app that allows you to track the available Quad shuttles, which theoretically makes the trip easier — but its dysfunctionality is so notorious that it has been immortalized in many Harvard Sidechat memes.

Seek the wisdom of the old and experienced

This one bears the best results within the Yard and requires a short crash course in “How to Spot a Harvard Student and Avoid Tourists 101.” Let’s say you have just found some potential targets and are ready to intercept. How can you be sure that they aren’t as confused as you are? Some features that lead to immediate disqualification are: wearing one of the Harvard Tour stickers, carrying professional cameras, and touching the foot of the John Harvard statue. You are looking for young adults whose eyes are 75 percent dead and 25 percent counting on being in Forbes’ 30 Under 30. Upperclassmen can seem intimidating, but they have been in your place and understand your stress, so don’t be afraid to walk up to them and politely ask for directions. I would advise you to stay away from those that seem to be running while muttering curses because they are probably already 10 minutes late to their math section and not happy about it.

Travel in groups

Misery loves company, and embarrassment is more tolerable when it is shared with others. Once you manage to make your first friends on campus, set a meeting spot from which you will walk together to all the events you are interested in attending. This will ensure that even if you accidentally find yourself next to the Charles River instead of Annenberg, the memory will be saved as a fun moment of solidarity and laughter, rather than a traumatizing event. Also, two brains work better than one and if each member of your group remembers the location of one major Yard building, you might just be able to escape the need for Google Maps after all.

Pray you don’t get Freshman-Quadded

If your assigned host lives in Greenough, Pennypacker, or Hurlbut, you should receive financial compensation for emotional damages. They are often labeled the “Freshman Quad” because they are the only first-year residential buildings outside of the Yard and make the daily life of unsuspecting newbies a mini Odyssey. Even my teachings may not be sufficient to save you. May the Crimson Gods be on your side. And I would stay away from the trashcan next to Barker Center during the daily stroll to the yard. (Perhaps I am being slightly overdramatic, they are only two blocks away from the main campus.)

Whether you decide to embrace your tourist-like appearance or choose to make the most of your disorientation by admiring the scenery, one thing is for sure: your Visitas experience will definitely elevate your survival skills. Armor yourself with a good sense of self-deprecating humor and channel your inner Dora the Explorer and you are guaranteed to have a good time. And remember: when in doubt, Google it!