Trader Joe’s Can Fix Anything: Valentine’s Day Edition

We’ll cut right to the chase: Yes, sampling TJ snacks was in fact our only plan for Valentine’s Day evening, no, none of us had real dates for the good ol’ day of love, and no, we don’t need to keep talking about it.

TJ's Vday Snacks By Ellen S. Deng, Corinne E. Furey, and Janani Sekar

Your favorite Trader Joe Trio (TJT) is back with another round of snack reviews. While we may have been slightly disappointed by the lack of savory Valentine’s Day items, our raging — and by our, we mean Corinne’s — sweet tooth was more than satisfied by the below treats. A self-inflicted sugar coma on Valentine’s Day may seem dark…but when it comes to Trader Joe’s, there’s nothing but love.

Strawberry Greek Nonfat Yogurt

We know what you’re thinking — I thought this list would be fun. How in the world is strawberry greek yogurt supposed to comfort my aching heart on the evening of the most emotionally vulnerable night of the year? Well, Ellen agrees — “It’s just strawberry yogurt. There’s nothing more.” Meanwhile, Corinne was hype about both the flavor profile and consistency of this light pink dairy snack. Pro tip: Add some of the freeze dried strawberries (keep reading…) on top.

Strawberry Organic Creamy Cashew Cultured Yogurt Alternative

It’s Janani’s world and we’re just living in it. Our vegan queen had us back again trying the Trader Joe’s “Organic Creamy Cashew Cultured Yogurt Alternative” — this time, strawberry flavored. While we truly wanted this to work, it just…didn’t. In Ellen’s words, “to call it a yogurt alternative is deeply unjust to yogurt.” Its texture was definitely lacking. Don’t believe us? Janani drank its remaining contents in a total of 11 seconds and it “went down like juice.” Somehow, some way, Corinne said she liked it…is this her red flag?

Rabitos Royale Ruby Cacao Figs

Are you sick of gifting the same ol’ Hershey's milk chocolate bar? Looking to spice up your sweets game and impress your fellow Harvard students, possibly even a lOwElL rEsiDeNt with a my-house-is-the-best superiority complex? Look no further. With the “Rabitos Royale Ruby Cacao Figs” (I am out of breath after typing that), your significant other or most definitely just a platonic friend may very well be floored by this concoction. The fig’s chocolate truffle filling combined with the white chocolate exterior makes for a whole load of sophisticated flavor. Ellen dubbed this as “an all natural milky way.” But beware…this one is super sweet.

Gone Berry Crazy! Dark Chocolate Covered Strawberry Pieces

These chocolate-covered nuggets of frozen strawberry goodness somehow ascended HUDS’ Fruit Forward attempt at frozen strawberry-flavored rocks and chipped chocolate. We already knew these were good and are berry into them. Probably necessary to warn against the possibility of intense freezer burn — because that would be far worse than getting dumped the day before Valentine’s Day, right? Right!??!?!?!

Cinnamon Bun Inspired Joe Joe’s

Does it count as officially V-Day-themed if it spoke to our hearts? It was a seasonal new item, okay? We think that counts. This Oreo-inspired snack was a blast from the past. Consensus: it delivered in all aspects. Flavor? A little sweet, but check. Orgasmic feeling? Now that’s what I call Trader Ho. Nostalgia? Dunkaroos, and Dunkaroos alone. These are necessary — trust us. Bonus points for being vegan friendly!

Freeze Dried Strawberries

“I kinda destroyed the freeze dried strawberries.” —Janani

She did. In fact, Janani is willing to bet she would win the ultimate showdown: Janani vs. Dining Hall Mouse race to finish a bag of TJ’s freeze dried strawberries. Regardless, the emptied-out bag is just evidence that freeze dried strawberries are both a delicious (and healthy!!) snack during any season.

Chocolate Mousse Cake

Maybe don’t get this if you aren’t a fan of mousse. Or cake. *Cough* Ellen. But for all chocolate, mousse, and cake lovers out there, this heart-shaped cake will win over your heart. Not only is it incredibly cute and a good price, but it is dense, fudgy, and will make you forget that you don’t have a date have you wishing for next year’s Valentine’s season already!

Not pictured: red ravioli (the one and only savory themed-item!!), heart shaped macarons, raspberry hearts, XOXO candy, and heart-shaped jelly beans which were, much to our deep sadness, all not present at our local Trader Joe’s. Valentine’s Day might be over, but some of these items are very much still in stock on the shelves at our lovely Allston Trader Joe’s. So go forth, sugar-loving friends, and eat your hearts (haha haha get it? hearts for Valentine’s Day) out!