The TJs Trio Takes Three: Flyby’s Fall 2023 Trader Joe’s Roundup

Every fall, despite our commitment to being ~quirky~, ~avant-garde~, and never mainstream, Flyby gives in to our primal craving for everything pumpkin-spiced. And can you blame us when Trader Joe’s is just across the river begging us to try their newest fall items? It’s just impossible to look a pumpkin pretzel in the eye and say, “Like meh. I’d rather not.”

So here’s the roundup you all have been waiting for. Enjoy.

Vanilla Pumpkin Candle

If you’re a candle person, we cannot stress how yummy this candle smells. It’s like inhaling Starbucks syrup. But don’t actually inhale syrup. Or eat your candle. Our main critique about this item is that it smells more like vanilla than like pumpkin. Then again, what exactly does a squash smell like?

Rating: 8/10 (points docked for vanilla/pumpkin imbalance).

Pumpkin Spiced Joe-Joe’s

Call us turkeys because we gobble, gobble, gobbled these down. If you like pumpkin spice, then this is the cookie for you: a pumpkin Joe-Joe covered in a spiced yogurt coating. A touch of sea salt cuts through the sugary sweetness so you can convince yourself that you’re definitely not giving yourself cavities. And if you don’t love pumpkin spice, well… wyd?

Rating: 10/10 because sugar and spice and everything nice.

Pumpkin-Spiced Teeny Tiny Pretzels

This is the perfect snack for everyone manifesting a Pinterest Autumn. Somehow, their teeny-tinyness makes them even more tasty. These mini pretzels are the perfect addition to any housewarming, club meeting or HUDS struggle-dinner.

Corinne was not a fan (too much Trader Joe’s… too much). Ellen is convinced Corinne needs to get her taste buds checked.

Rating: 11/10 (at least, if your name is Ellen).

Almond Chipotle Sauce

Overall, we thought this was a pretty solid non-dairy dip. The chipotle flavor comes through pretty well and the toasty orange color makes this a perfect fall food. Some of us *cough Corinne* thought it was a little spicy, but hey, that didn’t stop all three of us from kind of demolishing the entire container. Our only complaint was that it was a little too runny.

Rating: 8.5/10 for low viscosity. #science.

Ghosts & Bats

These spooky chips, in the words of Ellen S. Deng, “are just a vehicle of crunch.” Given that they are basically just potatoes and salt, this synthesis makes sense. They aren’t claiming to be seasoned. Or flavored. Still, who doesn’t love a good potato chip? Especially when it’s in the shape of a ghost. Or dipped in the almond chipotle sauce mentioned above.

Rating: 7/10 for being bland but cute.

Honey Crisp Apple Granola

Behold the honey crisp. The holy grail of apples, the star of the show, the sunlight on a rainy day. When you cross nature’s most perfect apple specimen with granola, you get this new fall TJs item. We loved it. It was ✨Fall✨ in a bag. It was breakfast revolutionized. There were even real dried apple pieces. Seriously, go get some. Now.

Rating: 11/10 for simply stealing the show.

Fall Harvest Salsa

Think salsa but with … apples? And butternut squash? At what point can you legally still call this stuff salsa? Regardless, whatever this salsa tomato-based sauce was, we enjoyed it. Ellen was unequivocally a fan. Janani didn’t love the texture of the apples but she did like the sweet flavor which balanced fall spices like cinnamon with traditional savory ones like cumin. Corinne applauded this salsa for reallyyyy keeping us on the edge of our seats… we love a good curveball.

Rating: 8/10 for conflicting flavors that somehow worked.

Mini Maple Marshmallows

Not gonna lie, we were a little (a lot) scared of these. The fear was that the maple flavor would overwhelm us. We were very pleasantly surprised. The maple was mild and the marshmallows themselves were not rot-your-teeth-off sweet. We can totally envision a toasty maple s’more with a bunch of these li’l guys in the middle or a maple-y hot chocolate to transition you into the holiday vibes.

Rating: 9/10 for being yummy, but zero nutrition.

Apple Cider Hand Soap

Foaming hand soap is fun. Foaming hand soap that smells like apple cider is even more fun. But this product is maybe a little too fun. It smells well-spiced. But it smells so spicy that it borders on smelling like pine? Or some other intense fall nature-y scent. tl;dr if you wash your hands with this soap in the morning, be prepared to smell it for the rest of your day.

Rating: 6/10 for being too enthusiastic.

Pumpkin Spice Batons

Like most fall snacks, this is just another excuse to consume inordinate amounts of cinnamon, cardamom, and whatever allspice is. However, like most baton-like snacks, it kind of feels like you’re eating rolls of pumpkin-spiced crunchy air, but somehow, we can’t stop.

Rating: 6/10 for just being a lot of air.

What are you bringing to your next club meeting? We recommend the Ghosts & Bats, Almond Chipotle sauce, and the Pumpkin Spiced Joe Joe’s for a solid roundup of sweet savory fall flavors. And the mini maple marshmallows if you want to immediately become the center of attention.