We Bet You Can't Survive Haunted Harvard

Every season is spooky season when you go to Harvard and have a monstrous amount of scary psets, papers, and readings piling up every week. Take this quiz to judge whether your scholarly scares have prepared you to survive the horrors of Haunted Harvard. Will you be the genius who beats the system or will you be dead in the first five minutes?

You are cramming the day before your menacing Stat 110 midterm, and you hear a strange sound outside your dorm. What do you do?

A) Text the House GroupMe about it

B) Call HUPD

C) Abandon your Pomodoro timer 5 minutes into studying and take a clearly much-needed 50-minute break to investigate

D) Ignore it and turn up the volume of your Lofi playlist

You live in Winthrop, and your friend in Mather has vanished and has not been seen since the Head of the Charles. When HUPD was searching her room, they found an old, creepy doll that did seem out of place. It’s late at night, and you’re getting sleepy after a long day of lectures. What do you do?

A) Take a power nap because you can’t resist the comfort of your mattress topper, and you’re not risking being the next victim

B) Chug one of the Red Bulls generously delivered to your dorm, and go look for your friend

C) Get in the shower because your top priority right now is beating your roommates to the in-suite bathroom - the missing person is just a friend, not a blockmate!

D) Put on a crime show and try to put your Harvard education to use by playing detective and seeing if you can make any connections to your friend’s case

You’re a course assistant for Math 1b, and none of the regulars come to Sunday night MQC. What weapon do you bring with you to check what might be going on?

A) Your loaded backpack that is the sole cause of your everlasting back pain

B) Someone’s speedy electric scooter that you spot by the door, finders keepers!

C) The dinner knife that you accidentally took from a dining hall two years ago and keep with you but never get around to returning

D) You don’t need a weapon - your intramural participation has prepared you for this moment

Your mind has been scrambled with trying to keep track of your assignments for classes and responsibilities for clubs, so your judgment has been questionable. Which classic horror movie mistake do you make?

A) You think you hear a voice whisper that you’re being watched while you’re in a lecture, but you dismiss it as your sleep-deprived-induced imagination

B) Your roommate says that they have to move their laundry, and they’ll be right back, but they have been gone for a while, and you haven’t checked on them

C) You suggest that you and your friend take a walk as a study break, but you wander too close to the Quad and end up somewhere with no cell service and no idea how to get back

D) You think that campus seems oddly quiet on a Friday night, so you suggest that you and your friends split up to find where the parties are

You realize that there’s no getting out of this scot-free, and you have no choice but to fight. Which enemy of yours would you rather face?

A) The section kid determined to be the ultimate teacher’s pet — you know the type

B) A yucky, snobby Y*le student —you know the type

C) An unmoved instructor who grades on a curve :(

D) A deranged turkey roaming Harvard Yard

Results

Mostly A’s: You Survive Haunted Harvard!

You’re the lucky survivor who gets to live with the unforgettable experience of losing everyone you love. You sure know the keys to survival: avoiding tourists, swerving the Bible groups in Harvard Square, and finding the superior office hours, of course. Even if you may not have been able to survive the notorious premed weed-out classes, you can rest assured that you can survive Harvard gone haunted, but at what cost?

Mostly B’s: You Die the Day Before Commencement

This is awkward. You may have taken our beloved token phrase of “here for a good time, not a long time” a little too seriously. You knew to trust your instinct, but then things took a sharp turn. It was nice while it lasted.

Mostly C’s: You Die in the Middle of Your Chem 17 Midterm

So close to the finish line, yet so far. On the bright side, at least now we can test the theory that if someone dies during an exam, all the other students present pass. We thank you for your service to the Harvard student body.

Mostly D’s: You Die On the First Day of Classes

I hate to break it to you, but you’re the idiotic character in the horror movie who ignores all the glaringly obvious red flags and practically hands themselves over to the killer with the poor choices that they make. Your gullibility, from tripping on thin air to deciding to hang around in creepy places, is frustrating to no end. When will you ever learn?