Welcome to the Harvard of Online Dating

Let’s talk about The League — and, for the first time since we came to college, NOT the Ivy League. Sad I know, but this might be refreshing. We’ll define The League today as an interesting spinoff of Tinder overwhelmed by a strange tsunami of pretentiousness. To start, all League users are verified, at minimum, on LinkedIn. To make things worse—but also better?—the app emphasizes that it preferentially accepts (that’s right, you must apply and be accepted to even get in on the action!) successful, highly educated individuals. Kind of gross, right? But as students at the world’s greatest and most elitist institution, of course we’re naturally intrigued. Luckily for me (and hopefully for you too), The League’s application “reviewers” deemed my profile acceptable, and now we have access to this treasure trove of “quality” potential matches. Time to take a look into what I’ve learned — and also what I wished I’d hadn’t — in the last few weeks on the Harvard of dating apps.

Is it 2007? Who designed this platform?

From the very beginning, in the app’s loading screen, pretentiousness levels are at their maximum with the intro slogan reading “loading potential soulmates”.

By Olivia M. Jochl

Maybe it’s a result of overconfidence on their part, or maybe I just expect too much from people, but I’m anticipating an earthshattering online dating experience complete with the world’s most well designed platform. But alas,, the design of this app is straight out of the early 2000s before techie things became sleek, satisfying, and user friendly. Sure, the League might pride itself on its overwhelming array of opportunities for users to connect, but that doesn’t mean I want a million turquoise and literal 50 shades of grey tabs to navigate. On the subject of color scheme, I’m not a fan of when I receive my new daily batch of 3 to 5 men at 5 p.m., each of their cover photos has been filtered with grayscale by design of the app. I get the League is trying to make this mysterious and classy, but I’d rather just assess each of these individual’s best features in full color. Thanks.

Yawn, I’m waiting...

As I assume all non-League users are, I’m used to the opportunity for fast-paced, zero-thought swiping with the potential for a bajillion matches.

By Olivia M. Jochl

That’s not what the League is about: we’re in the League for “relationships,” whether they’re romantic or platonic. With all these highly successful people being thrown in our faces every night, it’s no wonder they only give us a few options at a time — they don’t want to overwhelm us with each others’ greatness. The only problem, for the majority of us overly secure Harvard kids with too much confidence, the pace can get a little slow. To get into Harvard in the first place, I’m sure many of us would have passed the Stanford marshmallow test for delayed gratification, but I like matches and I always want more, ASAP. In addition to this glacial pace of potential matches, it seems the matches themselves are not fast movers. I mean when you’re saving lives or staring at numbers all day long, it makes sense that you might not be a speed texter. If you’re the successful baddie your profile says you are, by all means, please only answer my messages once a day, but I might be married by the time we discuss your favorite color.

So who’s really on here?

I can’t lie, all the chaps I’ve come upon in the past couple weeks have impressive credentials. Whether they’re at Harvard Med or BCG, the majority seem to have stable lives and bright futures. But, as I’ve just implied through their current career choices, a lot of my “potential soulmates” are hella old… With the age rage set from 20 to 28 (I’m really trying to scope out the field for you all), the majority of men I’ve matched with are in the 23 to 26 range. Maybe I’m just too young to be here? I’d say attractiveness averages slightly higher than Tinder, but also more radiating douchebag vibes. On the other hand, we do have some smart and helpful lads. One of my matches in particular, an attractive enough current 1st year resident at HMS, has messaged me incredible advice on my premed journey. Who needs premed tutors and OCS when you have these men in the League? Harvard might need to consider lowering tuition costs factoring in this new and free advising resource. And, if you’re looking for some pointers in your specific area of interest, I’m confident the array of analysts, consultants, and various grad students can supply exactly what you’re looking for.

But I want to know who’s liked me!

Oh, but you can! Out of the many many tabs on this app, one will show you the users who have already hearted your profile. This takes away some of the surprise of matching with someone, but it’s still fun to know! Unfortunately, only those who pay the RIDICULOUS member fee (ex. $300 for three months) have access to this spicy info. Or at least that’s what the League wants you to think. When navigating from tab to tab to the “Likes You” tab, there is a fraction of a second in which likers are not blocked out by the app asking for your life savings in exchange for the ability to view this feature. If you’re fast—and I know all Harvard zoomers are—you can take a screenshot and peek at your most recent likers. You’d think the League would understand the intelligence of its user base a little more extensively and somehow disable this loophole… so shhh we’re not going to tell and we’re going to keep finessing as we’ve all been doing since day one.

BEWARE of crossover! Like, seriously

If I’ve sold you on applying already, I’m surprised, but great! However, if you are an occasional Bumble/Tinder user, I would like for you to enjoy this short anecdote before you start the journey of applying, being accepted, and screenshotting to see those likers. Speed Tinder swiping with your friends at 11:43 p.m. can be a bop, and sometimes someone tolerably attractive pops up, so you swipe right. You match. They message you. They actually want to go on a date? They don’t seem creepy, plus they’re from a Harvard grad school, so what could go wrong on an outside coffee date when you’re both regularly tested for COVID? It actually goes well! You start “seeing” each other… until they abruptly end it? Cue: I’m a little lost but fair enough. Time to jump back into the ~action~! Enter: the League. Imagine, you’re hearting and exing away, taking those screenshots, seeing your likers, and SUDDENLY your latest screenshot reveals not only did this ex-man from Tinder have the nerve to end it with you in the first place but also has the AUDACITY to heart you ON A NEW PLATFORM VERY RECENTLY? Is this what stalker behavior looks like? It was a little scarring— or, at least, I would imagine it to be, considering this is a hypothetical story, of course. So again, I warn, buyer BEWARE.

Overall, this was quite a transformative experience, and I hope these League insights will help guide you on your dating journey. Until we get back to Mather JCR or actually meeting people organically in person at all, the League might be a fun way to add some spice to your life! Have fun, be COVID safe, and find yourself some potential soulmates!