Rest In Peace, Finance Bro Patagonias

Did you feel a shift in the universe as you donned your favorite salmon-shorts-plus-Canada-Goose prep casual combo? As of last week, a major perk of joining one of Harvard’s many consulting and consulting-adjacent clubs was phased out of production. That’s right, econ concentrators — Patagonia announced plans to “transition away” from adding additional non-removable logos to its products, citing that additional logos decrease the lifespan of garments and end up in landfills far too soon. Clearly the future of fintech casual is in jeopardy.

It’s honestly super insensitive of Pata to prioritize the planet. I mean, how the hell are we supposed to announce that we passed a ~selective~ comp without, like, actually announcing it? The fleeces were so subtle and definitely did not have mega-douchey connotations. But, hey, there’s a bright side to this dreadful news! Now, the UC can spend its money on something useful — like, literally anything useful would be nice, guys.

So, since there’s basically no reason to comp HCCG, HFAC, HUCP, and HFUCK without the Wall Street staple, we’ve gone to the trouble of brainstorming (free of charge!) a few replacement swag items to help our favorite finance clubs stick around.

It’s Time To Level Up

Patagonia might’ve moved on, but there’s no chance Canada Goose will be making similar moves any time soon. Just think of how slick a Black Diamond x Canada Goose puffy would look, y’all. (I mean, we’re not sure if you guys are still doing the whole paying-$1000-to-be-in-a-club-thing, but if you are, an extra jacket should be no sweat…)

Loopholes, Baby

Sure, Patagonia is nixing additional non-removable logos, but what about removable logos? The vision: a tier system within the Patagonias themselves. Clubs could rip off the Girl Scouts and make removable patches indicating whether you’re a New Recruit, Super Legit Analyst Guy, Portfolio Emperor, or what have you.

Branded Razor Scooters

We know your GCals are horrifyingly stacked, so consider the free advertising / flex of a shiny Razor scooter bearing your finance club’s insignia as you rush from one building to the next on the absolute Chad of campus transport.

A Biodegradable Windbreaker

It slowly decays over time — just like your morals!

While we’re sad to see the beloved branded Patagonia go, we’re excited to see how the clubs of Harvard adapt to the challenge! Go get ’em, y’all!