We Spent Too Much Time On Tinder For ~Journalism~

Hoping for inspiration on how to make that ~perfect first impression~? Seen too many men holding fish on your screen lately? Fed up with the less-than-ideal or nonexistent bios? This Valentine’s Day, Flyby Blog went on a hunt to find the very best — and very worst — Tinder bios. But be warned: you may suffer from permanent eye damage.

Best:

“Are you Papa Bear’s porridge? bc you’re way too hot”

Witty. Intellectual. Immediately sexy ;)

“Private Equity at Bain”

We swiped right immediately. Love a partner who can provide.

“Don’t worry, I’ll kill the spider”

Every person’s dream. Though technically we’d prefer you putting it in a cup and taking it outside, even if we personally refuse.

“In reality I’m 5’4”. Standing on my money, I’m still 5’4””

Points for making us laugh.

Worst:

“You can say I’m a bit of a Taurus”

With all the ~less than ideal~ Tauruses we’ve encountered, yeah, we’re running away. Hey, at least they’re not Scorpios!

“My school mascot once made out with me, so you could say I’m easy to love”

I mean…. factually, correct. Visually, oh so wrong.

“Please someone teach me how to eat sushi before it’s too late”

Dear 32-year-old creepy man who set his settings to include 20-year-olds, it is officially too late.

“Harvard Class of 2024”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO–(inhales deeply)–OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“I just wanna make a girl as horny as the Grinch made Martha May”

No one needed this energy. No one asked.

“If you wear leather pants, swipe right”

??????

“Grabb a potato and get ready for war”

How do you spell “grab” wrong?????

“Mamma Mia is the worst film of all time”

This is the worst bio of all time. Full stop.

We hope your dating app escapades are going better than ours, but if not, at least you’ll have something to complain (or write an article) about. Or maybe you’ve fallen victim to one of these unfortunate bios — have no fear, we’re here to help with that too. Either way, we wish you the best of luck and the happiest of Valentine’s Days!