Five Things Shorter than My Gen Ed Readings

Shopping for Gen Ed classes this year was probably as satisfying as any other form of online shopping — there we were with seemingly limitless options, plenty of actual information sessions, and everyone vying for the most “gem-y” of all the gems. However, now that classes have actually started, we’re left facing the harsh reality of endless reading assignments. Will we actually end up reading all of them? Probably not. Will we still complain about them? Of course!

The Declaration of Independence

Even with their long list of grievances against England, the Founding Fathers managed to keep it under a cool 2,000 words, which is certainly much less than the 75,000 words that you might find in my Gen Ed reading.

The Walk to Annenberg When You Know The Dinner is Roast Beef

There are few walks as somber as the walk to the Berg when you know that roast beef is waiting for you. Maybe the thought of the thick, grey meat actually slows down the rate of walking. It always feels like a very long journey when you know there is a punishment waiting at your destination.

The Pause on Zoom When a Professor Asks a Question and Nobody Responds

Will someone answer? Is anybody going off of mute? Is the professor looking at me? Are they going to cold call? Should I just answer? Do I even know the answer? A million questions, and a crushing amount of awkwardness. The pause is infinitely long, but still shorter than my latest Gen Ed reading.

The Distance from My Dorm Room to the Closest Water Source

Sometimes, I choose to be ragingly parched rather than make the voyage to fill up my water bottle. It feels like quite the distance in the morning when you wake up and have to descend from the third floor to the first to get some warm, slightly odorous water from the fountain.

The Communist Manifesto

The Communists certainly seemed to be able to keep it concise. At a breezy 32 pages, I would be almost overjoyed to engage with their literature compared to my latest reading assignment.

My Gen Ed readings, for all their length, are here to stay. However, I’m hoping that an investment in Brita filters and Trader Joe’s food will at least eliminate the need for odorous water and unidentifiable meat — in any case, major props to those of you actually planning to complete these endless readings!