How to Drop it Like it's Hot When it's Objectively Not: Winter Partying

Though we’re just a few days into the spring semester, students are already looking to forget the weekly grind with a fun weekend out. However, the unforgiving February weather is frosty enough to make even the most seasoned partiers consider a cozy weekend indoors. For those brave enough to venture out into the cold Cambridge nights, consider these hot tips for partying in near-Arctic conditions.

(Don’t) Dress To Impress

The whole issue of braving the cold could be solved by, believe it or not, dressing for the weather. Zip up your puffer coat and channel your inner Sexy Michelin Man vibes. Sure, half the point of going out is to be seen looking ~spicy~, but who says a form-obscuring marshmallow jacket and sweatpants aren’t peak fashion? Plus, you get to peel off all those layers at the party and surprise everyone with a jaw-dropping reveal.

Fluorescence Is The Best Protection

The one thing that can make crawling out of the Igloo in the early hours of the morning even worse is being the friend who lost yet another coat at a party. Avoid the “looking for a black winter coat, last seen at the Aquarium” Facebook walk of shame by ditching your nondescript black or neutral-colored jacket for obnoxious DayGlo outerwear. This simultaneously ensures that you can always spot your clothing in the dark and deters any thief from seizing it. The more visible and less desirable the better. Consider adding this objectively sexy silver emergency warmth blanket to your nighttime attire for just over a dollar. If you don’t want to dress like a human glow stick, writing your phone number on the tag is always an option — one that may even land you a cute blind date (hello Valentine’s day)!

When The Going Gets Tough, Quit

Unlike that unsolvable pset problem or the ever-growing pile of laundry under your bed, the winter weather is one problem that will actually go away if you avoid it. Trade a frozen night wandering in party purgatory for fuzzy socks and movie marathons. Or, alternately, attempt to — hear us out — use some of the free time you have on the weekends to actually study.

Maybe the changing of the seasons is a sign that it’s time to spend weekends productively, or perhaps this is some form of natural selection designed to identify only the most dedicated extroverts. Whatever your take on the subject, one thing is clear: wintertime in New England is objectively the worst.