How Bad Is Your Second Semester Slump?

Midterms have effectively crushed your soul. Remember when you at least had spring break to look forward to? Now, your only reward is seeing how you score on this sad scale, because you gave up on scoring high on things that mattered ages ago. Tally up your points below to find out the extent to which you’ve given up on the semester:

You’ve stopped going to class (10 points)

It’s a given that lectures are all optional but, see, the problem is that you’ve also missed some sections here and there. Remember to save some of those unexcused absences for a reading period before reading period—you’ll need them even more desperately then!

Your sleeping/eating schedule is a mess (15 points)

You’ve been surviving on your roommate’s supply of dhall apples; that is, until someone says “Let’s go to Jefe’s” at midnight and you end up eating a three-course meal. Then it’s time to start that paper…

The MAC is no longer a presence in your life (20 points)

Unfortunately, your irreconcilable differences are too great to overcome.

You texted a random one-night stand from last semester a few days ago (25 points)

Okay, we can’t blame you for this one. How are you supposed to meet new people when it’s too cold to go outside and your best outfit is a pair of sweatpants with your freshman dorm t-shirt?

Every night somehow turns into “wine night” (30 points)

Don’t worry mom, I’m not an alcoholic, just a college kid enjoying the best years of my life!

YOUR RESULTS

10-25: You’re starting to go off the deep end, but you don’t elicit enough pity yet. No one wants to hear you complain about how “crazy” it is that that you slept in a few minutes this morning. Try harder.

30-70: We’re beginning to worry about your hygiene and erratic habits. Like, you probably go to Widener for the peace and quiet just so you can watch Netflix.

75-100: To anyone who met you last semester, you’re virtually unrecognizable. Same goes for your professors, because they’ve never met you. We don’t really know what to suggest at this point. Vitamin D pills?