Freshmen, Lower Your Datamatch Expectations
If youâre a freshman, the concept of Datamatch may not have been thoroughly explained to you. Actually, the concept of speaking to other people may also not have been thoroughly explained to you either. Luckily, we have multiple years of crippling loneliness and Valentineâs Day solitude under our belts and are passing our knowledge unto you.
What Datamatch Is
Datamatch is a college-wide distributed survey created by the Harvard Computer Society. Yesâthe mechanism through which students find dates at this school is dependent on the Computer Society. Interpret that as you will. After answering a bunch of multiple choice questions regarding your life on Harvard, interests, blood type, Social Security number, etc., you send in your answers and wait eagerly by candlelight as an algorithm determines which human youâll put on a decent outfit to go on a date with.
On Valentineâs Day, youâll receive one or two matches, with the option to get a meal paid for by HCS with said match. The catch is that both your match and you must indicate that youâre down to get a meal together. Unrequited acceptances donât work. Itâs kind of like the âHang the DJâ episode of Black Mirror, except that Datamatch wonât mentally scar you. If both of you decide to engage in human interaction for the first time in your life, youâll go on a (potentially) cute date and elope within the next few days.
If your desire to go out with your match is not reciprocated by them, I would recommend listening to âDrew Barrymoreâ by SZA on loop to assist you in the weeklong crying session youâre going to embark on. I would also recommend using the Kleenex with Lotion tissues, as your nose will get less irritated as you cry more. Iâm not saying this from personal experience. Okay, yes, I am. Why did you ignore me, AmandaâŚ.
What Datamatch Is Not
Datamatch is not a valid reason to tell your blocking group that youâre entering the dating market at Harvard. It does not justify spending $400 on a new wardrobe to get glammed out to go to Zinnekenâs. It definitely is not the way to secure a lifelong commitment with that guy from your government section that youâre too anxious to say hi to. Itâs not a serious, âbusiness formalâ approach to making connections at Harvard, which is a great thing. Mostly, it is not a way to tell your friends from home that youâre dating a gal from Harvard. If someone gave me the option to eat at Flour for free, Iâd gladly take the opportunity to go, even if it was with a literal rabid hyena.
Datamatch is a great tradition at Harvard, and you should definitely give it a shot. Who knowsâmaybe youâll actually enjoy your time with your match, and you two can remain friends...or fiancĂŠs. You may have to take a step out of your comfort zone, but thatâs what college is all about. Heck, this is your chance to go to Clover and not feel bad for spending a rack on rosemary fries. So, get out there and have fun. Or donât. Crying on Valentineâs Day is always an option too.