How to Avoid People Around Campus

Whether it’s a cringeworthy hookup, an overly talkative classmate, or a nemesis who has sworn to destroy your life at all costs, we all have people we’d rather not run into. However, it can be difficult to keep your distance while living and learning at the same college. We’ve got a few ideas for those awkward acquaintances you’d prefer to avoid.

Take the scenic route

The classic method of avoidance is to take the road less traveled, aka rack up some steps on your Fitbit. If you know a person’s schedule well enough, you can keep your distance by completely circumventing their path. Become an anti-stalker!

Go incognito

A disguise can be a powerful weapon. Dye your hair. Grow a beard. Get a face tattoo. You’re approaching a quarter-life crisis anyway. Get a head start on the total physical transformation that’s sure to follow your existential despair.

Hire an entourage

If you’re too eye-catching to be inconspicuous, embrace your inner celebrity and buy your followers. Your real friends probably won’t want to surround you 24/7, so paid companionship is your best bet. If you want to take it a step further, purchase a limo and have a group of bodyguards run around the vehicle, à la Kim Jong Un.

Never leave your dorm

With the rise of companies like UberEats and Amazon, becoming a recluse has never been so easy. Hermetism can be an extremely successful way to avoid people…unless the person you’re trying to avoid is your roommate. In that case, you’re screwed.

Build a subterranean network of tunnels

Illegal? Possibly. Effective? Absolutely. Take your cues from Elon Musk on this one.