What Could the Presidential Search Committee Be Doing for 7 Hours in Suburbia?
In case you missed it, The Crimson reported this weekend on a clandestine meeting held by some members of the committee tasked with selecting Harvardâs next president. The search committee escaped the gritty streets of Cambridge to the safe haven of Belmont, Mass. on Saturday, and left us with a few (albeit very suburban) clues: a Chevy Suburban, a âHAPPY BIRTHDAYâ balloon, and a Vineyard Vines t-shirt. But what were they doing in Belmont for the day? Well, probably some business related to the presidential search, but with them being so hush-hush and tightly secured, one can only speculate. Here are Flybyâs guesses as to what fifteen Harvard overseers could have been up to for seven hours in suburbia.
Holding a Final Club Victory Celebration
It took Harvardâs administration nearly two years to shut the book on a debate about campus social groups. In the fall, the Harvard Corporationâwhose members sit on the search committeeâvoted decisively to penalize members of social groups starting with the Class of 2021 (for more on that, read this explainer). Itâs only right that after such a long, involved saga, some of Harvardâs top honchos would get together for a ~boozy~ day of commemoration for what will go down in history as one of President Faustâs main accomplishments. But notably missing from the meeting Saturday (as far as we can tell) were Faust and Dean of the College Rakesh KhuranaâŚ
Throwing Shade
Everyone knows that Harvardians love to throw shade. Could the committee members have eschewed the work of picking the next president for a day to lament the fact that the social group saga took up almost two years of Harvardâs time? And if they went all the way to the suburbs for a day-long gossip sesh, we can bet, in true wine mom fashion, that they spilled as much tea as they drank in rosĂŠ.
Comparing Golf Strokes
While previous weeksâ bomb cyclone doesnât make for great golfing weather, simulators go for about $5,000, and readily fit in a $2.5 million Belmont home, at least more readily than in the committeeâs usual meeting place, Loeb House. They would have had time for at least one round of golf, with breaks for lemonade.
Having a Legally Blonde Movie Marathon
The entire franchiseâLegally Blonde (96 minutes), Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde (95 minutes), Legally Blondes (82 minutesâif they were really ambitious)âcan be binged in about four and a half hours. While we canât really imagine billionaire and private equity tycoon David M. Rubenstein âbend-and-snapâping, he could plausibly rock a pink blazer for this not-so-elitist movie marathon.
Actually Celebrating a Birthday
Weâre big fans of political intrigue, so weâve wondered in the past few days if the âHAPPY BIRTHDAYâ balloon outside of Harvard overseer Tracy P. Palandjianâs â93 house was a red herring, designed to throw off The Crimsonâs ânosy reporters.â After all, Faust has mused in the past about pulling out all the stops to evade us in the last presidential search. But itâs more likely the committee membersâwho we imagine are buds, if not besties IRLâwere celebrating a birthday, with cake, candles and all. They probably didnât want the quinquagenarian birthday boy or girlâs age getting out, hence the ridiculously tight security measures, and paparazzi-proof face coverage as they left.
Well, so long as the committee remains hidden behind black-tinted SUV windows, all we can do is see their suburban activities through rose-colored glasses.