Patriots' Day and Other Nice Things Harvard Won't Let Us Have

Picture this. It’s a beautiful Monday afternoon. You’re outside at a darty, living it up with some of your closest friends and some new friends from other schools. Everyone is in a great mood, and you can finally imagine what it feels like to attend a school that’s actually fun.

Now, imagine that you’re sitting in class and seeing all of your friends from other Boston schools living this life through their endless snap stories. This is how Harvard students feel every year on Patriots’ Day. As the only school that doesn’t get Marathon Monday off as a holiday, Harvard seems very committed to not letting its students have nice things. But we’re not here to make you feel better about that. To add insult to injury, here’s a list of other nice things that Harvard just won’t let us have.

Places to Use Our BoardPlus

We, too, are feeling bitter about the replacement of Greenhouse with Clover. Harvard clearly wants us to enjoy a trek to Northwest every day for lunch. The amount of BoardPlus Harvard gives us is inversely related to the amount of places we can use it. Makes a lot of sense.

A Real Social Scene

Now, we’ll never reach state school levels, but you never quite get over the harsh reality of Harvard social life as your third dorm party of the night gets shut down.

An End to Midterm Season

Midterm season started about three weeks into the semester. But now we have a question. How is it still a midterm if it’s the last week of school? That’s a final. Any exams after the second week of April that aren’t finals are rude and disrespectful. Which is apparently exactly on brand for Harvard.

School Spirit

I’m sure you thought that coming to college would mean huge tailgates and parties for all the sporting events. Try to find someone who attended a football game other than Harvard-Yale. And if that someone is on the football team, that doesn’t count. Nice try.

A Yardfest Artist

This one is particularly rough. At this point, we think everyone would even be happy with an artist from our middle school years (#MetroStationforYardfest2017). But we don’t even have that. This is only made worse by the fact that our dear neighbor to the south, Brown, has Young Thug and Erykah Badu.

Harvard Time