What Your Late Night CVS Purchase Says About You

With the recent announcement that Target—everyone's favorite mega-convenience store—is swooping into Central Square soon, it's easy to forget that we still have two very functional branches of CVS right here at home. The best part? One of them is open 24/7.

Which CVS you choose to frequent and what you choose to buy, be it munchies or medicine, can indicate a lot about your impulse-control, maturity, and overall life choices. Check out where you fall on our tell-all CVS spectrum:

By Jennifer Y Yao

JFK CVS Vs. Mass Ave CVS

If you are confident and fearless, you’ll choose the big CVS on JFK street, proudly striding through its well lit aisles and waiting patiently in its often long lines. If however, you choose the Mass Ave CVS pharmacy, you harbor far darker motivations. That location, with it’s shabby carpet, dingy walls, and distinctly malevolent odor is only frequented by those students making more covert purchases like cigarettes, condoms, or makeup to cover up a hickey.

What You Buy

With your path and purpose settled, you set your sights on your purchase.

Food

Late-night cravings most often draw you to the glowing red-lit threshold of CVS. You're either really responsible or flat out broke, as most of us are, meaning you're hitting up the CVS aisles for cheaper food than the expensive fare offered by Square eateries. It is also possible that you’re merely drunk and either have forgotten about the fact that places like Felipe's and Nochs exist or are out past 4 a.m. and can no longer hit up El Jefe’s, making CVS your only choice.

Drinks

If you buy drinks, especially caffeinated ones late at night, you are of the Lamonster variety. Up late, cramming for that upcoming ec midterm while furiously consuming caffeine to keep yourself cognizant, you often exhibit signs of delirium such as as dilated pupils and incomprehensible muttering.

Toiletries

If you swing by CVS in the early hours of the morning buying toothbrushes, toothpaste, or other such necessities, you could fall in one of two categories. Overlapping with the inebriated munchie-buyer category, in your drunken stupor you could have easily forgotten that there are better times to buy an extra toothbrush than 3 a.m. on a Sunday morning. However, you could also be pitifully distracted and disorganized, running out to buy toilet paper or soap after discovering that you're out of both.

Medicine

Buying medicine and other normal responsible items late at night means you exhibit a level of maturity unheard of for the usual mess of a college student, who generally neglects their health and well-being. You’re thus either seriously weird or the kill-joy mom of your friend group, who won’t stop nagging the stubborn, careless rest of us. (No, we don’t need a tissue!)

Wherever your CVS run takes you this Friday night, happy shopping!