How House Of Cards Took Over Your Life (Or At Least Your Weekend)

The third season of your favorite political drama is finally here, and what better timing than right before the week you have three midterms, a paper, and six psets! If you’re a disgustingly obsessed House of Cards fan like us, chances are you're spending the weekend huddled in a bed/futon/comfy furnishing of choice soaking up the juicy goodness that is the Underwoods, with possible breaks for a Veritaffle or two. To save you all the mental anguish of trying to actually be productive this weekend, we’ve compiled a timeline of how your weekend of “studying” has been panning out. Warning: minor spoilers ahead.

Friday, 5:30 p.m.: Interior, bedroom. You started watching the first episode of the season, and you felt like you’re in heaven. You missed the bleak theme song, the ominous lighting, and Claire’s wardrobe of only white, black, and grey. You’ve waited too long to be reunited with this treasure, and it’s finally here.

6:30 p.m.: You finished the first episode. Your excitement was still unwavered, but you decided to get dinner before immersing yourself into the rest of the season. Also, you were getting a little bored of watching Doug Stamper go through physical therapy.

7:15 p.m.: Screw dinner. Catch of the day and mashed potatoes are not worth it. The only way you wanted to spend your time is at the side of your main man President Underwood. You start to wish you were the adopted child of Frank and Claire.

8:15 p.m.: What is this show? Why are there so many metaphors to eggs? You started questioning why you’re even watching this piece of fiction in the first place, but it doesn’t matter. HOC is controlling you now. You enjoy the casual beer pong scene between Claire and the Secretary of State. “For the Crimson,” Claire cheers. “Hell yeah,” you agree.

Sunday, 3:47 a.m.: You are a disgrace. You have 109 more unread messages in your college email than usual, and eight hours of review sessions to attend later in the day. You spent the entire weekend in the same clothes, under the same blanket, watching the same characters hash out the same argument over the same legislation and the same moral conflicts. You start to compensate for your lack of movement for the past 48 hours. You tell yourself you’ve been working so hard lately. After all, you went to the MAC once this week!

Monday, 10:32 a.m.: You’re exhausted, but you have no good excuse as to why your math pset is half done with question marks written under most of the questions. But at least you got to spend some quality time with your fictional friends down in D.C. The hottie sitting next to you in section asks, “How was your weekend?” You will try not to sound like the pathetic binge-watcher you are. “Oh, the usual. Studying and stuff.”