Listen Up! "I Can't Stand My Roommate's Girlfriend" and Other Grievances

When you’re going up on a Tuesday and IT’S FREEZING. By Caie C. Kelley and William C. Skinner

Dear lonely classmates of Harvard,

It’s Caie and Will, your beloved Flyby advisors, back again with advice for the still-wintry world that is Harvard. Today, we were again impressed by the range of your issues, and look forward to answering a selection of those questions below! For those of you who still haven’t submitted, how else do you plan to solve your deeply-rooted insecurities, have the temperature  above freezing, or have the end of midterm season not just be the start of reading period and finals? Submit your questions, concerns, and unresolved love stories HERE, and we think you’ll find the sun may just start shining again (in April).

I am a freshman.  Do you recommend a conversation between next year's roommates to talk about how we manage living together next year?  I wish my roommates and I did this last Fall, but I don't want to look like a jerk.  How do you get a conversation started? 
First, acquire alcohol. Second, drink alcohol to “Optimal Buzz.” Third, discuss said topics.

Joey hated it when Chandler dated Janice. I can't stand my roommate's girlfriend.  Do I have to wait this out?  
So the reality is that it’s not your relationship, and creating awkward tension when he’s probably not going to listen to you is probably, well, awkward. However, it’s important that you’re honest with him (you’re supposed to be the original bae here!), so we suggest you casually bring up something that bothers you and can be resolved (i.e., hey, if you could give me a 24-hour notice before you sexile me, that’d be chill, thanks bro!). Hopefully, the relationship will fade on its own, but if that’s in a while, you can only really control what directly pertains to your comfort and happiness. You live in the room, too, so if she’s forcing herself into your Fifa games and your Skype sessions with your mom, it’s not a bad idea to say something.

Does prolonged eye contact mean he is into me?
Ooh, people looking at each other! How rare on Harvard’s cold, Canada-Goose-hooded campus! It depends on the situation, we think. If he’s staring at you while you’re telling a story, he may just have done speech and debate in high school like everyone here and is comfortable with, you know, face-to-face interaction. If he’s staring at you while you walk to class in the Science Center or talk to someone else, that’s more suspect. If he’s staring at you wherever you go, he’s probably Edward and you should consider seeking HUPD for help about a vampire-stalker (are those jokes still relevant anymore?). Wikihow says that an unforgettable kiss begins with prolonged eye contact, though, so if you’re into him, you know what to do.

Can becoming p-set partners lead to a romantic relationship?
In the wise words of Ellie Goulding, anything could happen! There are multiple romantic aspects of a typical pset: numbers, word responses, calculations, hypotheses . . . Point is, becoming p-set partners could be the beginning of an everlasting power couple, especially since Thursday night pset parties are about as lively and promising as every weekend except Harvard-Yale here (jokes, jokes).

How do I make it clear to the male species that I'm a relationship person, not just a convenient hook-up?
In the kindest way possible, have you ever considered not conveniently hooking up? Our verdict is, if you want to be a “dating” kind of person, say yes to dates, say no to hookups. We know, we know, boyfriends and dates don’t exist at Harvard! But somehow, magically, we do see couples on the Yard and believe in our heart of hearts that one in three of them have a chance of actually attending this school, and you can be one of them if you stop letting yourself be a side-piece and instead, assert yourself as the CENTERPIECE!

Do guys care more about ass or boobs?
Will says: Every guy has different tastes, just like girls have different tastes for guys. Some guys are attracted by one more than the other, and much of the time attraction has nothing to do with either of those.

Caie says: First of all, you are a beautiful, strong, independent human for whom it should not really matter about what guys “care more about.” Also, on just a very simple practical level, what if this “guy” hypothetically cares more about “ass”? What are you going to hypothetically do about “caring” for this “guy”? I guess squats could change the shape of your “ass” for said “guy”, but there’s not normally much to be done about where lumps happen to sit on your body in the case of boobs (sorry!). I, for example, am most fond of the lump that sits on the area known as my stomach, and though I could hypothetically go to the “gym,” I’d be inclined to do so for myself, not for a so-called “guy.”