Listen Up! Finding Love in a Hopeless Place and Other Struggles
Dear Lonely Classmates of Harvard,
Welcome to the first re-vamped edition of Listen Up! After a short hiatus, weâre back on Flyby, this time with wiser, older (freshman) columnists in the form of Caie and Will. Â Weâve been looking forward to hearing about the many struggles of the average college student here, and from the questions youâve submitted, we havenât been disappointed. From section crushes to inappropriate crushes to burgeoning real-life romance crushes, love is certainly in the air at Harvard, and in the name of all things Datamatch, weâre going to tackle these problems first:
I met a guy for 5 minutes last semester, and I immediately started crushing. He added me on Facebook over break, but we've had no contact otherwise - I don't even think we have any friends in common. How should I proceed? I really want to spend time with him.
Okay, there are a couple of ways to tackle this. First of all, utilize the network that is Harvard! Find him on Harvardâs Facebook, track down any and all mutual friends (they donât need to be reaaaal friends) via Mark Zuckerbergâs Facebook, and then use his @college.harvard email account to spam his inbox with invitations to attend âthe largest science research conferenceâ where he can âexplore all the cutting-edge developments in the universeâ aka you. After all, the real connections that last are from the people who send you so many emails that youâve literally created a filter so that you donât have to hear about their latest conference/performance/event/party/accomplishment.
Also, a classic excuse to chat if you see him is the Bump âNâ Chatâ˘. When you see him in the Yard physically bump into him and then say âHey, how are you?â Doing this immediately creates an excuse for casual conversation, a d-hall date, and maybe even his digits.
We really think the key here is to make yourself noticedâ alternate your time between the d-halls and Lamont, and keep posting to Snapchatâs Campus story until all anyone ever gets to see are pictures of you wailing about your psets, falling into snow, or dancing around your dorm room. Submit to the Harvard Crush page fun facts about yourself, write a Harvardyak about how hot you are, and practice your bend-and-snaps in the Science Center. If Elle Woods could do it, so can you.
There is a cute girl in my entryway that I like, but I am afraid to make a move because I don't want to risk getting shut-down and then have to see her again all the time. Thoughts?
This oneâs a tricky one. Entryway-cest is normally not recommended, because even though Harvardâs not high school, word still gets around and Harvard kids still often have nothing better to do than spread the news of who-is-hooking-up-with-whom. Our best recommendation is to take it slow. Since you probably know other girls in her entryway, field out some questions to her roommates/suitemates relating to what she thinks about you. Become even better friends with her, and see how it develops. If sheâs not responding, try taking it to the next level by grabbing a meal with her in the dining hall. Show off your smooth moves as you seductively eat your swai-and-brown-rice combo, and then round out the night with a trip to the free ice-skating rink. Free ice-skating and dining hall food? Now thatâs the secret to long-lasting love.
I have a crush on a guy but I am afraid that he thinks I friend-zoned him. I am not good with making the first move, but I really think he is special. How do I see what's going on in his head without potentially damaging the friendship?
Ah, the beloved friend-zone. Thereâs actually a really easy solution to this: fielding! Since you guys are good enough friends to be in the (debatably) magical land that is the âzone,â ask them about what he thinks of you and make it clear to them how you feel about him (donât get too vague with words, ainât nobody got time for that). If they donât know, they will ask. We promise. At the same time, if we were you, weâd consider trapping him with the infamous 36 questions that have never ended with two people who arenât in love. You can drop them casually and intermittently, like, âOh hey, I see youâre working on your pset. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?â or âCute sweater! Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?â
My roommate doesn't use deodorant and smells disgusting. How do I encourage her to use hygiene products without explicitly stating that she smells bad?
Casually recommend that your roommate that read this Flyby post, and weâll do the dirty work for you with a beautiful poem:
Dear Roommate, youâre really very nice, but your smell is a vice. Stop making me fear of lice, because I really donât want to pay the price of having mice, or having a roommate who also operates as a contraceptive device. What Iâm really trying to say is that itâd be as cool as ice if you just WORE DEODORANT.
Is it okay to ask an older girl out or is that still weird?
Itâs only weird if you make it weird, so you do you. Just be confident. Honestly, with gap years, PG years, and skipped grades, you will find people at this school ages 14-25 (not even kidding, look at the hockey team.)
Thatâs all for now! Come back soon for our next installment of Listen Up!
Love,
Caie & Will
Submit your problems HERE!