BREAKING: Snow Update from the Dean of Student Life
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A fresh sheet of snow blankets the Quad and adds to the existing snow accumulation from the past two weeks on Thursday morning.
Dear Harvard College Students,
We continue to monitor the severe weather expected this coming week, and appreciate your patience and support in the face of curtailed services. Our dining hall staff across the houses, as you have experienced, have performed valiantly under constrained circumstances. That being said, tonight’s dinner entrée will be swai, and you’re going to like it. Tomorrow’s entrées will be swai. And you’re going to like it, again. We also will be serving oatmeal raisin cookies.
Given the limited amenities in the face of the impending apocalypse, I implore you to take the following precautionary measures:
-Consider severing ties with those who live in the Radcliffe Quadrangle.
-Attempt to socialize with those in your immediate proximity. If this proves simply too hard, consult Skype, Netflix, or a problem set of your preference.
-Buy a shovel.
-Avoid crying outside. Temperatures will remain below salt-water freezing point.
-Avoid clothing that exposes your midriff.
-Avoid being impaled by falling icicles. I have helpfully placed signs around the Yard to this extent.
-Quarantine those who have fallen ill.
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-Wear socks.
I trust the level-headed amongst you have come to the realization that playing in the snow is a trite, juvenile activity. Such behavior is unbecoming of Harvard students, and evidence of such will result in disciplinary action by the Administrative Board.
Today, all services will resume College-wide. Libraries scheduled to open will do so as usual. However, shuttle services will be cancelled. The scheduling of many sporting events has also been changed, so please consult with our sporting venues about any last-minute rescheduling.
Be mindful, however, that travel with be both “impossible and life threatening,” according to the National Weather Service. Additionally, severe cold can cause walkways to be unusually slippery, so use caution when walking around campus.
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Stephen Lassonde
Dean of Student Life