Five Weird Facebook Events For a Harvard Student

In the past few weeks, Facebook users around the country have found themselves invited to dozens of weird events. Their popularity is clearly growing as approximately 4,000 people have already said they are going (not really of course) to “lying in bed and cryin to Adele and feeling bad 4 urself” on December 31st. I was already invited to “turn into the mitochondria and become the powerhouse of the cell” earlier this week. The trend has only gained strength as we head into reading period and finals. To aid in your procrastination efforts, here are some Harvard Facebook events that Harvard students could attend.

1) Through the Gates sponsors Swai fishing with HUDS by the Charles River
For those missing this treasured menu item come this Saturday to Weeks Footbridge with your fishing pole, bucket hat and boat shoes for an afternoon of fun swai fishing with your favorite HUDS employees. Take pride in the fact that your fish will be the “catch of the day” tomorrow for lunch. We will meet at 2:00 p.m. and go until sundown. At least we know it is local, right?

2) Perch yourself in a tree in Harvard Yard to hunt squirrels
Join your fellow Harvard Hunters this Tuesday for an evening on the prowl. Instead of going after the fame-obsessed avian, go back to Harvard’s first love. This week’s goal is to take the most Instagram photos of squirrels in one hour. Bring your friends and a parka– it gets cold at night. We are positive the squirrels haven’t started hibernating yet, right?

3) Eat a whole tray of HUDS Apple Crisp by yourself in one sitting
Definitely not for the light of heart, but definitely for the empty of stomach. Prepare to be hated by everyone in the dining hall for eating the best dessert of the fall semester. At 235 calories per serving, you should be all set for your winter body this J-term. Unhealthy? Yes. But at least it’s not like it’s a blondie brownie.

4) Go around Boston by riding the T dressed as John Harvard and wait for people to rub your foot
Bonus points if you remain frozen the entire time. With all the tourists around the city it shouldn’t take long. And at least you are finally heading outside of the Harvard bubble. Beware of a tinkle near your shoe.

There is no better way to feel like you’re truly a part of Harvard by losing your self-esteem at a networking event. Put on that business casual outfit you’ve worn five times before and print the resume you just created for an afternoon of clammy handshakes. We will meet at the John Harvard Statue at 4:00 p.m. on December 13th. We will leave at 4:10 p.m. after realizing we used the wrong font.