New Year's (And New Semester's) Resolutions

As we usher in 2016, many of us hope that we will be better, smarter, and more productive people than we were in 2015—not that the bar was too high to begin with. We promise ourselves that next semester will be different, that we’ll do all the readings in all of our classes, go to the gym every day, eat salad at every meal, and get 8 hours of sleep every night. But are these goals realistic? Probably not. So here are some more realistic New Year’s resolutions that we might actually go through with (but still probably won’t). Here’s to a bright new year!

1) Get 6-8 hours of sleep every night...or at least enough to stop falling asleep in class. If a good night’s sleep is out of the question, consider upping your caffeine intake...wait, no, you wanted to kick your caffeine habit, too. Maybe just stop taking morning classes?

2) Eat healthy, well-balanced meals full of HUDS’s “fresh” fruits and veggies...or at least stop making 2 a.m. pit stops to Quincy grille. Even though the mozzarella sticks are absolutely heavenly.

3) Exercise once a day...or maybe once a week...okay, at least once a semester. You might need to look up where the MAC is on Google Maps, but it’ll be worth the 10 minutes you spend on the elliptical.

4) Actually do all the readings in your classes...or at least consider forming a study group to divide up the readings. Of course, you’ll inevitably fail to form said study group because everyone else in the class is apparently a productive, functional person who does their work. End up sad and alone in Lamont, weeks behind on your readings, once again.

5) Join a new extracurricular. You know, the one that you always wanted to do but were too busy/scared/underqualified to do...well, at least go to the first comp meeting, feel like you’re too busy/scared/underqualified, and quit halfway through. Hey, at least you tried.

6) Limit alcohol consumption to weekends only...but since you’re drowning in readings, stressed about your extracurriculars, and your body now thinks 3 a.m. is a normal bedtime, you’ll probably end up mixing a mid-week Rubinoff cocktail or two.

Who accomplishes New Year’s resolutions, anyway? Cheers to 2016!