More Money, $ame Problem$

If you haven't been busy binge-watching House of Cards or cramming for your next midterm, you might have noticed that someone has donated a cool $150 million to Harvard.  But before you start celebrating like you just won the lottery, keep in mind that just because the school got the money it doesn’t mean you will be getting your own butler any time soon. Here are a few other things we won’t see on campus, even with this generous donation.

Cheap Books and Coursepacks
You probably will still have to sell your soul to The Coop in order to get all the required coursebooks. Either that or keep using multiple email accounts on Amazon so you don’t have to pay for Prime.

Hot Breakfast in the Houses
If you are one of the few to wake up more than 3 minues before your class starts, you're still stuck with toast. On the bright side, you can still trek to Annenberg to hit up that daily omelet bar.

Free Netflix Accounts for the Entire Student Body
You still have to pay the $8 fee on your own. Besides we have Philo, which is the same thing…. sort of. And I guess the University shouldn’t sponsor endless hours of catching up on Orange is the New Black...

A Recognizable Performer for Yardfest
With April fast approaching, it’s time to think of who could possibly be our headline performer. The reaction to past performers has been mixed to say the least.  Still keep your expectations low.

Free 24/7 Door-to-Door Shuttle Service
It always rough walking from one side of the Yard to the other, let alone all the way to Quad. It would be great to have shuttles that drop you right at your door, especially at 4 in the morning after a long night “studying in Lamont.” A fleet of limos could also do the job just as well.

Even though these changes would be a great addition to our community, we just have to face the facts and accept that these will never happen. Clearly the University hasn’t been in the spending mood recently, but I guess $150 million for financial aid is cool too.