How to: Datamatch!

Those of us flying solo this Valentine's Day may be irked by the constant reminders of the lack of romance in our lives (thank you, Starbucks, for repeatedly sending buy one get one free latte offers to share with our nonexistent “significant others”). Luckily, there could be a quick fix to this problem--Datamatch! With Valentine’s Day and the deadline to complete the survey less than 12 hours away, you've got to get started if you want to find your soulmate ready for the big day tomorrow!

For those of you who have either yet to fill it out or are unsure as to which answers will lead you to your respective soulmates, here’s a guide to approaching some of the questions on the survey. Happy Datamatching!

Your idea of a romantic date?
a) Red spiced chicken at Annenberg
Pro: You’re looking for a casual date…  one that could be fun, but doesn’t seem like you’re trying too hard.
Con: You may look cheap, possibly giving off the vibe that you refuse to pay for a meal unless it’s coming out of your parents’ tuition fund.

b) Drunk Tindr chat
Pro: You present yourself as the fun and wild type, the kind of person who loves dancing on tables at parties.
Con: You may seem irresponsible since you clearly don’t listen to the age-old rule about not talking to strangers.

c) Awkward eye contact during section
Pro: You’re boldly putting yourself out there because you’re willing to admit to doing something everyone else does, but never talks about.
Con: You’re also admitting to being socially awkward, which people could associate with things like weird pauses during conversations and sweaty palms.

d) One of adventures, action, mystery - let's go to Lamont!
Pro: Not only are you studious and responsible, but you actually enjoy being studious and responsible.
Con: See above.

e) You. Me. Bed. Now.
Pro: You leave no room for guessing or hesitation, and you like getting straight to the point.
Con: You may seem too dangerous, seeing as the chances of getting a concussion after hitting your head on a bunk bed are sizeable.

Best way to get someone's phone number?
a) Harvard Facebook
Pro: You’re resourceful! You know how to make use of the opportunities that Harvard provides us, whether it be using Hollis to find a book for your research paper, or inserting information you creepily obtained from stalking your crush into an online database to get his/her number.
Con: Much to your dismay, you may realize that the only number on your crush’s Harvard Facebook profile is the number of that dusty red phone in their room.

b) Actually ask them!
Pro: You’re letting your crush know that you’re gutsy and willing to fully embrace face-to-face contact as opposed to hiding behind a computer screen.
Con: Your crush could say no, in which case you would also need to think of a way to retreat coolly.

c) Brute force
Don’t do this.

d) Internship at the NSA
Pro: Not only will you get the information you want, but you also now have something else to add to your resume. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!
Con: It may be a little bit too risky asking your crush to fall in love with someone who may be entangled in a national scandal.

e) I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Pro: You may be perceived as cute and flirty by throwing it back with old-school pick-up lines.
Con: This only ever seems to work in movies and TV shows. Consider this brutal assessment: if Joseph Gordon Levitt said this to you, it’s cute... if that weird guy who sits next to you in lecture said this, it’s creepy.

Best place to meet potential lover:
a) Lamont - Lamonster in bed
Choose if: You want someone who will surprise you--a studious nerd by day, party animal by night.

b) A final club - Where real romance happens
Choose if: You want your name on that list so you don’t have to knock on doors every weekend.

c) Datamatch - Trust the system
Choose if: You want to kiss up to the Harvard Computer Society and have a leg up in the matching game.

d) Annenberg - They're called "fresh"men for a reason
Choose if: You like the possibility of brushing hands with your crush at the soda machine.

e) First Chance Dance - And probably your last
Choose if: You’re one of the lucky few that actually had great nights at freshman dances and didn’t end in puking in someone else’s toilet.