What Should John Harvard Be For Halloween?

This Halloween, Lady Liberty is getting a gaudy new accessory for her 125 year old outfit: a Joe Boxer bow tie. In the spirit of the holiday, we started to think up costume ideas for our dear friend John Harvard. We have great ideas on how to dress as Harvard for Halloween, but what should John Harvard himself be?

1. Boxed wine
A Harvard favorite! Although Franzia didn’t exist when Harvey was built in 1884, we think he would have been a natural at “slapping the bag.” A cardboard box might not be the sexiest, but it might be the classiest.

2. A urinal
Considering how many students urinate on poor John’s foot annually, and how many accomplish this feat on Hallow’s Eve alone, it only seems fitting that he accepts his own destiny.

3. Yale’s better, older brother
With the recent news that Yale may likely adopt CS50, it might be nice to publicly display how we’ve taken on the role of guiding our fallen brethren in the right direction. A cute (stuffed) bulldog sitting on John’s lap should do the trick.

4. Conner A. Hempel '16
This star quarterback came back to the football field a month late after a back injury, and lead us to an astonishing 49-7 win over Princeton this past weekend. Hopefully this costume can bring us good luck for the BIG GAME! T-minus 24 days!

5. Himself
Let’s be honest, John already looks good in his “simple clerical garb of the 17th century,” cast in bronze with a funky gold foot. He doesn’t need an ostentatious Halloween costume to fit in with the crowd, he can simply be himself.