7 Types of UC Candidates

Harvard freshmen, it’s that time again: UC elections are in full swing. You, the voter, have an important decision to make. Who will represent you on the UC, to make sure that your oh-so-significant problems get heard? You have to choose.

Here are a few candidates you might encounter on the campaign trail.

The Unsatisfied Diner

This candidate insists that the administration unequivocally refuses to provide you with adequate nourishment—and he's ready to fight back. The world won't be perfect until Annenberg is serving steaks and ice cream 24 hours a day. Among the mostly-sane student population, everyone realizes that his "practical solutions" have one basic flaw: there isn't really a problem to begin with.

The Future Politician

Looking polished in their skirt suit or necktie, this candidate has spent entire days in the Yard shaking hands, stopping classmates for posed photos, and maybe kissing a tourist's baby. Visions of grandeur drive their candidacy: First UC freshman rep, then UC President, then… on to the Senate. No issue is too small.

The key, of course, is communication: he or she will be at your beck and call, ready to represent you, the vulnerable student, helpless without the defense of the UC.

The Invisible Candidate

Her posters are plastering your entryway walls, but you've never even seen her… and no one else you know has either. Does she even go here?

The Write-In

This guy didn't declare his candidacy early enough to make it onto the ballot. But don't worry, he's definitely reliable enough to represent you. Just don't forget how to spell his 16 letter last name—wouldn't want those votes to be disqualified!

The Facebooker

This person's campaign is in full swing—on Facebook. Maybe you've seen her in real life, but you've never seen her talk to anyone. On social media, though, she's ready to rep you on the Council. Her minute-by-minute campaign posts, well-photoshopped posters, and well-designed campaign page (with a whole 5 likes!) in the class page certainly demonstrate her communication skills. She also has the connections to keep our class unified; she did friend everyone before you arrived on campus.

The Room Invader

What's that knock on your door?, you wonder to yourself. A locked out roommate? Opportunity, perhaps? Alas, opportunity has passed you over. Instead, it's the Room Invader, making a quick campaign stop. You were about to take a nap? Tough. Once this candidate's nose is in the door, he's going to tell you why you should choose him for the lofty perch of UC Rep, whether you care or not. Sit back on your brand new used futon and relax, he says. “The presentation will be over in 5 to 7 minutes, depending on your questions.”

The Regular Guy

Among the candidates who don't quite strike your fancy—maybe their jokes fall flat, maybe they tried too hard, maybe they aren't on the ballot—is one person who seems like she might actually do a good job. She seems level-headed, she’s funny enough but not too funny, she has good ideas that aren't outrageous, and she seems reliable. Only one problem: the regular guy never wins. One of the crazies always comes out on top.

Ready to choose?

Armed with your newfound understanding of your choices, you, oh wise and powerful voter, must head to the polls. Voting is open until Friday, September 20th, at 6 p.m.

One final word of comfort: if all else fails, you can always vote for Pedro.