Stanford Students Swap Secretions

It appears that Stanford students are bad at kissing. At least bad at kissing without infecting the entire student body in the process. Yes, it seems that germs are running rampant over on the West Coast, where the Stanford tradition of "Full Moon on the Quad" (imagine Incest Fest for the whole school) has exposed undergraduates to the risk of campus-wide flu and mononucleosis epidemics. Smh, Stanford.

According to the New York Times, Stanford has tried to outlaw the annual mass kissing orgy, which traditionally takes place at the end of October, and has attempted, an administrator said, "to create an environment in which [the students] don't feel they must participate in the exchange of oral secretions." Mmm.

Clearly, Stanford students can't restrain themselves from swapping secretions, so, as the New York Times reports, university administrators have implemented a number of strategies to deal with the consequences of all that saliva, including the following three.

1. Stanford's student health center now offers shots to prevent kissing diseases, such as the flu and meningococcal meningitis.

2. "Student sobriety monitors" attend the event, holding signs that say things like "Consent is Sexy."

3. Freshmen are taught safe kissing. Apparently, flossing before playing a round of tonsel hockey can create microabrasions in your gums that germs can settle in.

Kirklanders, take note.