The Art of the Harvard Humble Brag

Harvard students became masters in the art of the humble brag from the day they received their acceptance letters. We want everyone to know we’re from Harvard; don’t even try to deny it. Unfortunately, because it’s not written across our foreheads we’ve learned to cleverly get the point across without people realizing we’re huge tools (at first impression at least).

Once we’re on campus, we can’t really brag about being from Harvard anymore, but that does not mean our need to brag disappears. Here are some common humble brags you may have heard around campus before instinctively rolling your eyes:

Yale Bulldog Days and Princeton Preview had nothing on Visitas!
We get it, you were endowed with the mighty big three acceptance letters—so was half of the class. Move on with your life—if you’re constantly reliving prefrosh days, you’re doing college wrong.

I have no idea which internship I should choose!
This isn’t even a problem, and if it were, it’d the best problem to have.

Do people even refill the condom boxes?
Honey, you don’t need a condom when it’s just you.

I hate it when guys/girls just stare at me. It’s so rude.
No you don’t, you secretly love it. Come on; admit it, that hair flip and batting of the eyelashes were directed toward the guys standing by the counter. If I squint my eyes, I can see your ego inflating.  

I had to pull an all-nighter for CS50, Math 55, Physics 16, and Ec 1126.
We hesitated in putting this one on the list, because really, is this something you want to be bragging about?

Sorry, I was busy, I had a dinner at [insert final club].
Your perfectly coiffed hair and your dad’s Wikipedia page were enough to let us know that you are part of the elite minority. We would be surprised not to find you at a final club.

I didn’t even want to go to Harvard; I just sent the application in for fun.
Then why are you here?

I only managed to get through the first season of "Breaking Bad" yesterday.
You forgot to mention the all-nighter you pulled afterward.

I hope I didn’t ruin the curve for everybody!
You can stop with the pseudo-altruism, because now you should be worrying about taking shelter from the fury of your peers. Just return to the nest you’ve made in your room, where you’ve been cooped up for the last three weeks living off of apple sauce and Red Bull.