You Could Do Worse: An Interview with UC President and Vice President Candidates Clark and Mayopoulos

UPDATED: Nov. 20, 2013 at 1:13 p.m.

From the very beginning, everything they did suggested that their campaign would be off the beaten path, transcending traditional campaign elements of polished rhetoric, calculated strategies, and grand promises.

Samuel B. Clark ’15 and Gus A. Mayopoulos ’15 promise a new era of leadership and ambition, fueled by an unorthodox approach that threatens to challenge our notions of student-led politics. Their campaign departs from the classic formality and gravitas espoused by traditional political candidates. Centered on the promises of tomato basil ravioli soup served daily in the dining halls, thicker toilet paper for all, and “divesting from gender neutral weekend shuttles,” the campaign addresses issues commonly ignored by College leaders.

Flyby met up with the candidates to get their opinions on some of these oft-ignored issues.

Flyby: So the question that has been on our minds for quite some time now, um…crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
Clark: Creamy, obviously.
Mayopoulos: Crunchy.
Clark: Oh. This signifies our difference on this point…signifies that we have differences of opinion, but we, uh, we stick together.
Mayopoulos: You can eat crunchy peanut butter with the spoon straight out of the jar and not feel bad about yourself because there’s texture there besides just, like, butter.
Clark: I never feel bad about myself when I eat creamy peanut butter out of the jar, even if it is all of the jar.

Flyby: How about Nutella?
Clark: It’s…Nutella’s perfect.
Mayopoulos: Nutella’s in that vending machine. Do you even buy jars?
[Points to vending machine in background]
Clark: Holy…fuck me.
Mayopoulos: Right?
Flyby: Capitalism.
Mayopoulos: It’s a little sweet to me.
Clark: You know, yeah, and that shows I think I’m a little…I’m a little sweeter, I’m a little creamier, and Gus is a little crunchier.

Flyby: Does this describe your relationship?
Clark: Certainly describes our relationship, certainly describes our candidacy, certainly describes our, uh, pillow talk?
Mayopoulos: Pillow talk. Yeah.

Flyby: This goes for either of you. Tell us a joke.
Clark: As we said earlier…
Mayopoulos: This is not a joke.
Clark: …it’s difficult to define a joke…
Mayopoulos: Goddamn. It just…
Clark: Except in a dictionary.
Mayopoulos: Alright.
Clark: He’s got…Gus has jokes.
Mayopoulos: Wait. I have this one. Hang on, hang on. Just give me one sec. Hang on. All of them I can think of cannot be published in the Crimson.
Flyby: It’s Flyby.
Mayopoulos: Wait, wait, wait, so… [Pause] What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
[Looks at Sam]
Mayopoulos: Bob.
[Laughter]
Clark: Oh! Laughs. Poor guy.
[Laughter.]

Flyby: All right.
Mayopoulos: Oh god.
Flyby: Biggest role models in your guys’ lives?
Clark: Physically?
Flyby: Interpret as you wish.
Clark: Chris Christie.
Mayopoulos: Yeah.
Clark: Biggest role models.
[Clark and Mayopoulos whisper to each other]
Clark: Okay. Count of three?
[Looks at Gus]
Clark: My biggest role model is Gus Mayopoulos.
Flyby: Is that...the same for you?
Mayopoulos: Mine is also Gus Mayopoulos.
Flyby: Why?
Mayopoulos: Nobody can buy…
Clark: He’s great!
Mayopoulos: He’s crunchy…
Clark: He’s crunchy
Mayopoulos: He tells off-color jokes…
Clark: He tells off-color jokes…he…he, um, can grow a beard, like, really fast and it will be like a full beard. That’s one thing that I’ve been trying to do but just can’t, is like grow a beard.

Flyby: So, boxers or briefs? Justify your answer. Important question, because there’s really transparency in this whole process.
Clark: Boxers because freedom.
Mayopoulos: Why not both? There’s safety in numbers.

Flyby: I don’t know if you guys saw the Flyby article...there’s an article about dream UC tickets. They have their #1 as David Ortiz and Tom Brady. Could you beat them?
Clark: Jesus. I don’t even know what sport David Ortiz plays.
Mayopoulos: He’s, uh, Red Sox. This is our fucking city.
Clark: Oh, that guy? We can certainly not beat them in a match of physical, uh, prowess.
Mayopoulos: I don’t think it matters…
Clark: We can certainly not beat them at anything.
Mayopoulos: Except for the UC election.
Clark: Except for the UC election. The reason being that neither of them are Harvard students and are thus ineligible.

Flyby: Advice to freshmen. Biggest piece of advice you could give.
Mayopoulos: Don’t…just don’t…Well, I would say stocking up on toilet paper, since you never know when you’re going to need some, and…
[Clark snaps]
Clark: Stock up on toilet paper. And, in all seriousness, don’t be afraid to switch concentrations. Like, it will seem like, oh my God, everything you ever knew is coming apart right now, but you’ll actually be happier if you just go for it, and you’d be surprised how many of these things just work out. Yeah, I’ve switched my concentration…how many times did I switch my concentration? Once?
Mayopoulos: No, Sam, that was socks.