Flyby's Dream UC Tickets

Already it is time for the second most important showing of democracy in this fine country (after electing the U.S. president): the election of the president and vice-president of the Undergraduate Council at Harvard University.

The UC announced this week the three tickets who will be vying for election this month, and all the election talk got us thinking. We’ve compiled a list of potential pres/vice-pres tickets that could blow any of the current candidates out of the water.

1. David Ortiz and Tom Brady

Though “we” at Flyby are equally loving of all regions and countries, the author of this post is still riding the wave of the 2013 World Series. He would rig the election on this one, and it would be amazing. This ideal ticket’s platform would include instituting penalties not saying “wicked” enough, expanding Crimson Cash to work at Dunkin’ Donuts, serving clam chowder in every dining hall, every day, and airing every Boston sports event in every common room on campus.

2. Shakira and Rebecca Black

People always say they want more honesty and transparency in government. Well, that explains why Shakira could sway so many voters. And Rebecca Black is the perfect representative for college students’ social interests. Gotta get down on Friday, indeed.

3. N. Gregory Mankiw and Walter White

This ticket would make sure to protect the sound financial stability of our endowment… by taking care of anyone (send them to Belize, for anyone who’s caught up on “Breaking Bad”) who decides that protesting divestment entails chanting loudly at inconvenient times. This ticket would bring the UC brains and… well, more brains, but brains that are willing to hire brawn—the perfect combination.

4. Joseph Stalin and Karl Marx

We’re sorry, but this is Harvard. You know it’s going to happen.

5. Drake & Josh

Our clear winners. We can only assume that these fictional brothers (not the real-life buddies, though they certainly would have made this short-list as well) would provide the perfect mix of representation for our esteemed student body. Drake would obviously be all over scheduling concerts, social events, and pool tournaments for the students, while Josh would adopt responsible goals like reducing the campus’s plastic waste by providing bottle-filling stations and institute open forums for students to voice their concerns directly to administrators.