4 Ways To Solicit a Care Package

Nothing. You stare through the tiny window at your empty mailbox with a twinge of bitterness and wistfully glance over at all the other packages in the mailroom. It’s week seven, and you still haven’t received the treasured care package. Your roommate is inundated weekly with his favorite candy bars and cereal, while you get by on the packages of ramen you bought from CVS and the hope that one day you can earn your parents' affections. Things must change. Here are some tactics to get your much-needed mid-semester care package and prove to everyone that maybe your parents do actually care about you.

1. The Guilt Trip

The next time your parents call/text/make contact, emphasize how much you miss home. Drop not-so-subtle hints about how the thought of Swedish Fish and your favorite granola bars are the only things getting you through the semester. Complain about your study schedule and how sometimes you don’t even have time to grab a meal between classes. Your parents will be sure to pick up on your homesickness and desperate need for junk food.

2. Keeping Up with the Joneses

So your parents dropped the ball and completely missed your message. It's time to appeal to their more competitive side. The next time your friend/neighbor/classmate receives anything in the mail, rave about the contents of the package and how awesome their caring family must be. Point out how Jenny's parents sent her fuzzy socks and hot chocolate just in time for the upcoming winter months. The thought of someone else’s parents getting such glory is sure to incite jealously in their hearts. They'll have to win this competition by sending you even more food and letters of love, so when your 20 lb. package arrives, be sure to praise their victory.

3. The Reciprocation

Your parents aren't the jealous type, huh? Well maybe their compassionate side will take over when you send them a letter. Making the first snail mail contact will force them to acknowledge that 1) you are their child, 2) you are missing home, and 3) you want something in the mail. A handwritten letter may require investment in a stamp and envelope, but it will tug at their heartstrings and appeal to their need to take care of you. They have to respond somehow, so at this point they're pretty much obligated to bake and send you some homemade cookies. It’s only common courtesy.

4. The Last Resort

You haven't made contact with your parents since you arrived on campus. They aren't returning your calls/you get sent straight to voicemail/you can't get past their secretary. None of your mail can be delivered because they have actually moved since you left. It's time for Plan D. Order the largest pre-made care package you can find online. Include a heartfelt card with the delivery. Make sure everyone you pass on the way from the mail center to your room knows how much your parents care. Later, cry alone while eating your Snickers bars. Take solace in the knowledge that there are others that share your pain.