5 Ways to Not Get Sick

The crisp cold air of fall, filled with swirling, fiery leaves, brings back memories of a carefree childhood. But you can’t reminisce. In fact, your mind can’t complete one clear thought. Because that guy sitting in the next carrell in Lamont has to release an earth-shattering cough every other minute. And then the girl over by the window pierces the room with a sneeze at indescribable decibel levels. And don’t even start about the mysterious sniffles that, like a sharpened knife, slice through your ear drum even when you’re blasting Beyonce on your headphones.

Yes, it’s the season when everyone seems to be getting sick, and no one has the time to sleep it off. But here are some ways that you can save yourself from the coughs, sneezes, and sniffles—share them with your friends and do your part to help reduce the overall sick-noise level on campus.

1. Vitamin C overload.

People always talk about Vitamin C as a way to prevent illness. I, for one, hate those gross Vitamin C powder booster things that you add to water. But if that floats your boat, go for it. If you prefer the classic glass of orange juice, go for that, too. And when I say go for it, I don’t mean a dinky glass with breakfast. I’m talking a gallon, maybe two gallons, of Sunny-D at your side, ready to boost your Vitamin C levels far beyond recommended daily levels.

2. Sanitize. Everything. All the time.

Never forget that you are in a constant battle with evil microbial warriors that could care less about the two midterms and the problem set you have tomorrow. You have to arm yourself. It’s time to whip out that bottle of Purell your mom got you freshman year and buy at least a dozen packs of sanitary wipes from CVS. Latex gloves and hypoallergenic face masks would be preferable. Wipe down every surface you ever touch. Throw away used latex gloves on the hour. Frequent hand-washing is a must. And if you don’t have personal space issues, be prepared to use your sanitizing supplies on every person who even looks under the weather.

3. Take up a super-diet.

It seems that there is always talk about new so-called superfoods, and I feel like they always have to do with something called antioxidants, which sounds like a bad thing but are actually a really good thing. You can find a list of some of these "superfoods" here. If you can’t get a hold of the food itself, I’m sure substitutes will do. Instead of blueberries, try blueberry ice cream. Instead of pumpkins, try pumpkin pie. Instead of tomatoes, try pizza. (Wait, I’m not so sure about that last one…)

4. Put some Windex on it.

In the 2002 comedy “My Big Fat Greek Wedding," Gus Portokalos gave us perhaps the greatest advice for healthy living: put some Windex on whatever the problem is. It’s cheap, and it smells like chemicals, which means some sort of reaction must happen when you spray it. Hey, if it works for the guy Toula marries, then I’m sure it’ll work for you.

5. Become a bubble boy or girl.

If all else fails, and you feel like the germ onslaught is simply unmanageable, you can always order large sheets of sanitary plastic and cover every opening to your dorm room. Don’t forget to stock up on food and other necessities like a fridge, heater, and Dunkin’ Donuts iced cider. It would be helpful to build a tunnel of plastic to the bathroom. But make sure it’s been fumigated and sanitized before closing the stall off for your personal use.