Don’t Become A Lamonster: Seven Unconventional Study Breaks

If you’re like me, you need a study break at least every two hours to keep from breaking down in hysterics when that kid one cubicle over taps his pen one more time. Here are seven ideas for breaking up your workload.

1. Middle School Throwback

Blast “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” from your iPod (we know it’s there), and prank call that hottie you’ve been eyeing in your econ section:

You: “Hello there, is your refrigerator running?”
Hottie: “...Yeah”
You: “YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT! Hehehe!”

Sour Punch Straws and S’mores Pop Tarts encouraged.

2. Exercise

Just kidding—lol.

3. Climb a Tree

When was the last time you climbed a tree? Change out of your skinny jeans (seriously, this is crucial), and channel your inner squirrel.

4. Eat a Healthy Snack

Kidding again. Independent research (done by yours truly) has concluded that foods that will increase your focus for that Gen Ed reading you really don’t care about include: Swedish Fish, french fries, caramel macchiatos and fro yo.

5. Prank your Friends

Take yourself out of your own misery by putting someone else in theirs.

Change the autocorrect on your friend’s phone (Settings-->General-->Keyboard-->Add New Shortcut) so that “Ok” becomes “babycakes,” “hey” turns into “hola muthafu***,” and “what” corrects to “$waggy.” Giggle softly while peeping through through library stacks as your friend struggles to text his or her frisky Friday hookup.

To mess with lots of people, stick a sign to a printer in Lamont that says “This printer is now voice activated,” giving new instructions on how to use the printer.

6. Pimp My Wall

It’s time to say goodbye to that Heineken flag you’ve proudly flown since freshman year (you 18-year-old rebel, you) and revamp your space. Remember that crayon drawing from your 5-year-old cousin you didn’t have the heart to throw away? So avant garde! Shred a poster or a photo or your history notes and tape the pieces back on your wall. Play Modest Mouse and get artsy.

7. EDP

Emergency Dance Parties are appropriate at all hours of the day. First, run into Lamont and tell your friends that Miley Cyrus or someone of comparable status and/or twerking ability is outside and dying to meet them. When they follow you out, scream “EDP!” and crank up the jams.

EDP Playlist:

“Hey Ya!” by Outkast

“I Love It (feat. Charli XCX)” by Icona Pop

“Stayin’ Alive” by Bee Gees

“Turn All The Lights On” by T. Pain feat. Ne-Yo

“U Can’t Touch This” by M.C. Hammer

“Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex

Major snaps if you can make your friends stay for longer than these six songs or gather random people to boogie with you.

Now get back to work!