Being a Real Person at Harvard

At Harvard, it’s pretty easy to lose track of when you last slept, showered, or ate. In an ideal world, you would wake up from a nap at Lamont and make the big realization, “That’s it, I’m done! I’m going to actually take care of myself!” though it’s more likely that you’ll just head to the café for another coffee and a cookie. Here are some tips for your life as an adult (or an almost-adult; we’re more like large babies).

1. Plan for the future

DO attend info sessions for summer internships and recruiting events, even if it's just for the free food. Hatch a plan for getting into that class you’ve lotteried out of at least twice—kidnap Maria Tatar if necessary. Go to the gym in preparation for Primal Scream, hit on as many people as possible in hopes of one day “doing it” in the Widener stacks, and stock up on water before going out so that you’ll be able to relieve yourself on John Harvard’s foot. If you're going to score a job from one of the many recruiting events you attend, you may as well have a little fun until it starts!

2. Stay hydrated

No, beer doesn't count. It is recommended that you drink eight cups of water a day. Coffee doesn’t count either. Your body is a temple, etc.

3. Don’t wear pajamas everyday

But don’t wear a suit or a dress everyday either; you might be wearing that for the rest of your life (aargh). On a similar note, please do laundry at least once every two weeks (or until you run out of underwear). Smell nice, keep the wrinkles at a minimum, and stay comfortable.

4. Manage your finances

As you hand your HUID over at Greenhouse Café and say “Board plus,” take a moment to think about what you’re doing. The University has given you $60 of play money for the semester. Think of all you could do with that. You could buy nine rolls of sushi at Lamont, 12 packs of condoms from the vending machine (to be used in the Widener stacks of course), or you could save it all for finals and avoid the dining hall for an entire week. Economize, people.

5. Create a routine

Even if it includes spending from 11 p.m. – 7 a.m. in Lamont, heading to class, eating a meal, and then doing it all over again, at least it’s consistent. Factor in a shower though, and time to brush your teeth.

6. PYOT

Put yo’self out there. Maybe you're looking to join a new club, or perhaps you'd like to use this time to find your mate (we won't judge). You only have four years at Harvard, which means you have four years to do this. Skip over those awkward interactions at parties and prioritize. Admissions counselors here basically sub as matchmakers, so when they were going through your application, they also found your significant other for you. When you were seventeen, you wrote your college essay on the time you went skydiving in Antarctica, and naturally they paired you with the one other person in your class who went skydiving in Antarctica. Sneak into the office, steal your file, and stalk your soulmate on Facebook. Try not to scare him or her away with your stalking abilities.