The Eight Most Insufferable Kinds of Facebook Profile Photos

So you’ve reached a classic dilemma. It’s time to update your Facebook profile picture, and you don’t know which to choose. We all like to pretend that we change our profile pictures with no deep thought, but really, be honest with yourself. Every picture you’ve ever chosen is trying to send a subtle message about who you’d like the world to think you truly are. Harvard students, you’re probably guilty of at least one of the following—take a look.

The “look what I did last summer!” pic
A classic choice for Harvard upperclassmen, this photo is characterized by a breathtakingly beautiful background, the presence of an influential professor or business professional, and you—dressed in a suit, lab coat, or outdoor hiking gear. You know you’re dying to talk about how you cured cancer or discovered the tomb of an ancient Egyptian prince, but you’re afraid to bring it up unless someone asks—hopefully, posting it as your profile picture will draw attention to it and make people ask about it, right? Right?

The group pic
You’ve posted a profile picture with so many people in it that even you have trouble picking out your own face. Did you post it because you think people will see your true personality and love of your activities shining through? Or did you just want to show everyone back home, including your mom, that you really have made friends here and wanting to Skype home all the time is not, in fact, out of the crushing loneliness you feel when you’re staying in on a Saturday because you “just didn’t feel like going out?”

The artsy pic
You’ve seen them before, you know what they look like. You’re outside with a book and a glass of refreshing unsweetened iced tea (which everyone knows actually tastes like grass), reading in the sun-dappled grass as you say goodbye to the last remaining days of summer. You don’t look at the camera, pretending it was an accident and that a friend took it for you, but you’ve actually meticulously constructed the entire thing. Right down to the choice of book that says, “I go to Harvard but I know how to let my hair down with a little light reading”—like "A Brief History of Time." You took multiple shots to get it just right but post it with a caption letting us all know that it was a happy accident and you actually are this artsy in real life.

The “oh this picture is so embarrassing but my friend made me put it up” pic
You put in a caption saying something like “this is for you, roomie… thanks.” when in all reality you know you look damn good in this picture despite your funny expression and insistence that you don’t. Don’t try to fool us.

The classic “I can’t believe I go to Harvard!” pic
Typically seen among incoming freshmen, though upperclassmen can be just as guilty, this is the stereotypical pic of you standing in the Yard next to one of the beautiful brick buildings casually wearing your Harvard swag. The camera is angled perfectly so as to catch the rays of light streaming through the trees, because you want everyone to know how much you appreciate the simple beauty of your college. Classic humble brag.

The party/date event pic
You pick it because it’s a nice photo of you smiling with some friends or a cute date—or so you’d like us to think. But actually, you’ve picked it because it’s clear from the background that you’re attending a formal event for the Fox, and you want us all to know you were on the list.

The “I have school spirit!” pic
You post a picture of yourself at a sporting event, all decked out and cheering on the Crimson with your buddies. You want us to know you support your school and that you have fun going to sporting events. Give it up, man. We all know that’s the only game you’ve ever been to besides Harvard-Yale, and it wasn’t even fun because only 20 people showed up and they all left after halftime. We appreciate your effort, but anyone who knows anything about Harvard can see through that façade.

The laughing/funny face pic
We get it. You want to show everyone that you’re having fun at college and that Harvard isn’t the endlessly work-filled, soul-crushing place it’s made out to be. Too bad you didn’t take any photos of yourself during the other 99.9% of your time here, which is spent crying over your CS50 pset that just won’t work because you misplaced one stupid semicolon.