Tortoises, Two-Faced Cats, and This Year's Puppy Bowl MVP

In this series, Crimson arts writer Brian A. Feldman '13 will describe to you, the reader, some videos he saw on the internet.

If you are reading these words, there are pretty good odds that you have heard of The Internet. For those of you who are unaware, The Internet is a complex system of 1s and 0s created almost exclusively for the purpose of sharing hilarious and/or ridiculous videos. Often times, these videos are about cats, but there are exceptions.

I will describe these videos to you and link to them, and then you can make the choice about whether or not to watch the videos. You are an adult, and I trust you to be responsible.

This Year's MVP | Puppy Bowl VIII

If you only watched the Super Bowl this past weekend, then you only witnessed half of the action. Puppy Bowl VIII also took place and it was ruthless. It was a real dog-eat-dog competition (sorry for that one!), although I must say that the Kitten Halftime Show was puuurrrrrrrrrfect (not apologizing for that one). Check out this video if you want to see some highlights and find out who won the coveted Bissell Most Valuable Puppy award.

Timelapse of a Tortoise Eating

This particular tortoise just goes to town on the salad he's eating. At first, I wasn't sure if this was sped-up footage of a tortoise eating salad or just footage of most students at Noch's at 1:30 a.m. on any given Saturday night. Right? Riiiiiight?? #college

Devil Cat Is Watching You

"Cats and the 'Inception' soundtrack" is like a 21st-century version of "chocolate and peanut butter": a perfect combination that will almost certainly never get old. This cat needs to chill out, maybe go to Brain Break or something. I dunno. I'm not a cat expert. What do you think is wrong with this cat? Tell us in the comments!

Two-Faced Kitten Born Healthy In Port Charlotte, Florida

Watch out, cats with two faces. There's a new two-faced cat in town. The owners even named this one after Batman's friend-turned-nemesis Harvey Dent, probably because of the two-face thing, but maybe also because Harvey is a great name for a great cat. We'll never know.

He Strikes Again (A cat tries to escape out of a window, but I won't spoil the ending.)

This video is a pretty good metaphor for the beginning of the semester. You're at a party, Mary J. Blige is bumpin' on the stereo, but then you start thinking about all the work you have to do already, and who even knows what's up with those internship applications you sent to McKinsey, and have you figured out your blocking group yet? And then you're just like, "Screw this, I'm gonna climb out this window."

XOXAYA (A small child dances at a skill level far exceeding his age.)

In the year 2438, when technology has evolved to the point where we can put videos directly onto the pages of a dictionary, this is the video that will accompany the entry for "spittin' game."

2012 ski doo summit X close call with cliff fall (A snowmobile comes thiiiis close to falling off a cliff)

Terrifying. What a nightmare world we live in where people choose to do this stuff like it's no big deal. You might think that it's a bummer that there has been almost no snow in Cambridge this winter, but then you see this video terrorscape and suddenly, the lack of snow is pretty nice.

Toronto Zoo polar bear cub 3 months (A three-month-old polar bear cub lives it up at the zoo.)

Some baby polar bears just have it so easy. If I had to sacrifice partial control of my body in exchange for being allowed to just play in the snow and nap all the time, I would seriously consider taking that offer.

M.I.A. - Bad Girls (Official Video)

Holy moly, there is so much to love about this video. The car tricks, the attitude, the music itself, fire. Those are pretty much all of the components you need for a great music video.