Freeloaders Stealin' Your Cheese and Crackers

You hear about it all the time. Hungry late-nighters slipping an extra chicken sandwich out of the dining hall, or some of the more slippery folk who try to sneak into Annenberg through the back door. But say that these people aren't even students at Harvard, but just a bunch of, well, freeloaders.

An interesting guest commentary piece in the Cambridge Chronicle this past week shed light on freeloaders—people "who drift from one freebie event to another, uninvited, gobbling up food and mixing in with the invited crowd."

Unfortunately, the article doesn't divulge the name of the anonymous source, referring to him simply as "K." (K as in Krafty? Kovert?) Mr. K. cites several instances in which these freeloaders—about 15 regulars—blend into the reception crowd at the Harvard reception for departments and museums in both Cambridge and Boston.

According to The K., each freeloader seems to have a similar tactic, usually involving large coats with spacious pockets or cleverly stored piles of food. One quick brush of the hand could land an entire bottle of wine into one of those pockets. The culprit goes essentially unnoticed—except by Special K.

"These people have a technique. They will station themselves by the food table, pile their plates, and then just start putting stuff away in their pockets and plastic bags," Detective K. told the Chronicle. "When I’m on a job in the evenings, I typically work for about four hours, sometimes longer, and usually hope there might be some food left at the end of the event so I can have something to eat. There’s never anything left."

"Some of them may just be real loners and have no friends," Mr. K. added. And so the twisted psychology brimming underneath such elaborate freeloading behavior emerges.

Well, whoever these people are, we sure as hope they don't load up on our favorite meal of the day.