Dunster House

As Housing Day approaches, FlyBy will serve as your personal rating agency with a complete rundown by a resident of each House. Not that you have any say (River Gods notwithstanding), but at least you’ll know whether your portfolio is getting a downgrade.

It's the house with one of the worst reputations on campus—but is the word on the street substantiated? Your affiliation with Dunster House will haunt you, and it's up to you to enjoy its good side and forget that everybody else will make sure you remember how much it supposedly sucks.

Location:

Wendy: But, Peter, how do we get to Never Land?

Peter Pan: Fly, of course.

Wendy: Fly?

Peter Pan: It’s easy! All you have to do is to…is to…is to…Ha! That’s funny.

(Hey Peter, there's always the shuttle, but be warned that nobody will want to visit you because Dunster might as well be part of some imaginary netherland tucked far, far away from human civilization. The reality is that it'll take you about 7 minutes to get to the Yard by foot.)

Rooming: Exposing. Dunster is notorious for its walkthroughs. Sure, you'll probably have a "single" all four years, but understand that you'll likely end up in the common room, all of your private thoughts and feelings unpackaged for all to see. You will be caught in various states of undress by your roommate, and you will always say "Why don't we just go to your room" after that particularly boozy shindig. But there are some nice suite arrangements for upperclassmen where common rooms can finally be used for their intended purposes.

Dining Hall: Luminous. Dunster's dhall has a rep for being the most beautiful on campus—but luckily, this often remains unsubstantiated lore because nobody really makes the effort to come all the way, and no crowds means no lines and more Mandarin orange slices for you. Also, the servery literally gleams. The napkin holders are shaped like moose (meese?). The low-hanging chandeliers soften your skin tone.

House List: Putrescent. I mean, it's called "Moose Droppings." Of the dry, flaky, uninteresting sort.

House Masters: Providers of gustatory happiness. The Porters are the parents you never had—that is, the wildly accomplished, alarmingly attractive, and unbearably nice parents you would probably not actually want. The Porters host bountiful open houses at their residence, more regularly than your girth would like (watch out for Mrs. Porter's apple pie). Besides providing Dunster residents an alternative to the grille (a great place for cheap eats—but if you live in C-entryway, be warned of the wandering fumes), the Porters will gladly be your dinner date. The couple is known to flit about the dining hall to sit down with every diner they see. If you're lucky enough, Mrs. Porter will have her glassy-eyed poodle in her arms.

House Culture: Sake bomb. Forget Stein Clubs: happy hours are pretty legit at Dunster. The themes may range from the sophisticated (specific wine and cheese pairings) to the bizarrely delightful ("1-2-3-sake bomb!!"), but one theme has been consistent this year: eventual devolution into sloppy dancing. As for non-alcohol-based modes of community-building, Dunster ensures those warm, fuzzy feelings during the seasons, particularly around Christmas time when a giant evergreen graces a corner of the dining hall and residents write thank you cards to each other and hugs abound. Someone grab me some Kleenex.

The Verdict: Junk.* Okay, so one thing you will learn as soon as you're given Dunster is that people will assume you're unhappy. And granted, you may be. But there comes a point when the following interchange gets old:

- What house are you in?

- You know, Dunster. [note: no indication of positive or negative emotions]

- Oh, well at least you have a nice dining hall. [sympathetic pat on shoulder]

Dunster's blemishes are often overemphasized and its boons underappreciated. That said, if the location and rooming doesn't get you down, the mere fact that you will get so much crap for being in Dunster may very well make living here unfortunate. Also, the upswing in House culture may be pushing Dunster towards investment-grade, so fear not, moose children.

*Ratings run as such: [AAA > AA > A > BBB > junk > subprime]