Lampoon's Newest Issue Makes Middle School Sex Jokes

If you find jokes about what you would tell your eighth-grade crush funny, then you may laugh when you read the February issue of The Lampoon, a semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine.

According to the issue’s editor Nathaniel H. Stein ’10, the issue is themed “pursuing everything”—a rather vague answer that left us somewhat perplexed. But after reading the glossy pages of this New Yorker knock-off, we think the theme is something else: love.

The jokes of the issue revolve around love, sex, and the awkwardness inherent therein. It seems that this month, the Poonsters were entangled in the spirit (or lack thereof) of Valentine’s Day.

Though there was no specific target audience for the magazine, Stein quipped that “The Lampoon has a long history with prisoners and would like to get that [audience] back.”

In all seriousness, the issue does have its funny moments. Here are some highlights:

1. “Bread is to oven as penis is to…”

2. In “My Plan for Asking out the Girl I Liked in Fifth Grade,” a boy describes how he will have a girlfriend by tomorrow despite the fact that he “got caught sliding that booger underneath the leg of [his] chair…”

3. Advice for men who hope to pop the question but don't know how to go about it: “Learn the phrase ‘will you marry me’ in a really romantic language that she knows, and practice saying it over and over in a mirror. Now imagine how easy it will be in English!”

If you’re curious about what makes the content of this issue different from Lampoon sex jokes of issues past, well, “all the pieces are different from the ones that have run before,” Stein said. So, for more insight into the complexities of love, check out the magazine for yourself.