What Women Want? He Thinks So.

With the freshman formal only a week away, some Yard residents may be suffering from a last-minute dateless panic. Well, ladies, fear not because it looks like Freeze Magazine overlooked someone in their list of candidates for Mr. Harvard Freshman 2013—and he is now accepting applications to be his date.

In an e-mail that the author said was sent to almost the entire freshman class Saturday night, Sean W. Pohorence '13 detailed his eligibility for those still in search of an escort to the Snow Ball. With credentials such as “a formidable stamp collection” and the inspiring goal of someday becoming a "football player doctor astronaut," it is quite obvious why girls may have been too intimidated to ask him in person.

To give you a sense of this guy, here are some of his qualifications, straight from his e-mail:

I once needed to tell Bob Marley to relax.

I founded the Nobel Prize, the Polio vaccine, and France.

I can draw a perfect circle with my left hand.

I am right handed.

I know every language (including parseltongue), but then again I should since I invented them.

Pohorence said he already received a number of replies, five or six of which were really good.

“I wasn’t really sure what I wanted out of this, maybe just to see if it could be done, but the responses have made the whole thing worth it,” he said. As to whether or not he will notify the list when he has chosen a winner, that remains to be seen.

Like in the Harvard admissions process, applications aren't admitted on a rolling basis. For those of you who were intimidated by a 7 percent Harvard acceptance rate last year, think carefully about your odds of winning this contest. Yeah, that's right, we're saying that the competition for Sean Pohorence is fierce and only one can win. Before you waste your time on an application (the deadline is today), check out our submission to make sure you know what you're up against:

Hey Sean,

I have seen Dane Cook get struck by a vehicle.

Ernest Hemingway wrote romance novels until I broke his heart.

I once tutored Noam Chomsky on grammar.

I eat 12 servings of fruits and vegetables a minute.

The man who screeches in the fake Gap ad is unable to contain himself because I had just told him I liked his sweater.

No one thought that John Nash’s mind was beautiful until I painted it.

Joseph’s coat would still be drab and without dreams had I not given him fashion advice.

I once challenged God to a contest in who could make a superior being. He made Sarah Palin. I made Chuck Norris.

I taught Michael Jackson his ABCs.

You know you love me. XOXO.

FlyBy

Photo Courtesy of Sean W. Pohorence.