Budget Plinko, Part IV: Cut This Instead!

Earlier this week , when budget cuts were announced, you were probably thinking of all the past Harvard excesses you’ve witnessed, expenditures that probably seem a lot more superfluous than, say, shuttle service or small section sizes.

Thinking back to the hordes of prefrosh that were just on campus, gorging themselves at countless ice cream socials and pizza parties—all on the College’s tab—you’re probably wondering how Harvard can afford to dish out all those goodies while depriving its actual undergraduate population of arguably the most important meal of the day. And why is it that we can afford to keep the HUDS worker whose job consists of standing by the back door of Annenberg to prevent students from surreptitiously making off with dishware, while we can’t keep the grill worker who makes omelets each morning?

The list of potential cuts that can be made without hurting student life goes on and on. For instance:

-Do away with the Ad Board. Harvard can operate on an honor system!

-Sell the library collections. After all, students don’t actually wander into the depths of Widener except to do unmentionable things.

-Eliminate maintenance services. Judging from the infested and flooded condition of our Houses, they aren't very effective, anyway.

Some creative students resentful of the budget cuts proposed other areas where reductions could be made. Some priceless suggestions from email threads after the jump

Here are some more ways I would help solve the budget issues:

* Sell ALL those paintings of random old white people that are everywhere on campus.

* Close Lamont at 11:00 PM every night (which would require giving less work so Lamont wouldn't need to be open 24 hours) and keep house libraries open longer.

* Close Lamont Cafe because everything sold there can be put in a vending machine

Close Lamont at 11pm??  How dare  you!  FlyBy would lead as many all-night sit-ins as as it took to stop this change.  Some sort of SWAT team would be necessary.  Shots would be fired. People would die.

Other students looked internationally for approaches to cost-cutting.  More command and control, please?

In terms of housing, we can take a page from the Chinese school system, which centralizes showers in a different building, and hot water is available only from 7-9am, 12-3, and 9-12. Heating in the winter, don't count on it - with SIX students PER ROOM, you'll be more likely than not have your windows open all day.

Another student proposed a solution that would end Harvard’s budget woes altogether:

What if we just set up a counterfeiting operation? Harvard could break the Feds' monopoly on the industry, and all of our problems would go away!

Hmmm...a little financial fraud?  It's not as if Harvard hasn't waded in those waters before.

And on the HUDS blog, an anonymous commenter made an interesting point about the logic behind the hot breakfast cut:

The 30% attendance argument is inane. Heck, probably 30% of students attend lectures, we're not going to do away with classes, are we?

Best idea yet.  Perhaps we could ban all Friday classes?  You wouldn't have to heat that accursed Vanserg, at least, right?